My fellow extroverted friend Logan & myself
Of late, there is a lot of talk of introversion & extroversion, mainly the introversion. I have read over four to five articles in the last two months alone about how introverts feel misunderstood. Some of these are biased & others are not.
One book circulating (which I have not read yet) is by Adam McHugh, Introverts in the Church. To be honest, the only written piece I’ve read by McHugh was a guest post on Ann VosKamp’s blog entitled, “Where do Introverts Fit into the Church?” I later went to post this article on Facebook to inquire from introverts what they thought? Many agreed. And I would agree with McHugh in that it’s not whether one is an introvert or an extrovert in their belonging in the church–it’s the kindness of Christ in them.
*****
This here ENFJ, the Teacher, is constantly seeking to understand temperaments in others, in order to best love them. I know I have people in my life rolling their eyes when I bring up Myers-Briggs, but it’s honestly about knowing how to love, not putting people in a box. This is precisely why I am eager to know the introvert; as well as, the extrovert. Yet, there are certain strokes of the introversion persuasion of late that get me a bit riled up, and frustrated.
After reading this post, “Caring for Your Introvert,” I cringed throughout. Maybe the author was trying to paint extremes, but as an extrovert, I felt like certain parts of the equation were missing. Painting extroverts as constant chatterboxes, less sensitive & insightful.
It’s not that I disagreed with everything within this article, because I do believe that what defines an extrovert versus an introvert is how they process information & recharge. As an extrovert, I am a verbal processor and can recharge by being around people. That said, verbal processing doesn’t mean that thoughts, reflections & meditations are devoid within. And I feel as though extroverts are seen as lacking that depth that it would seem only introverts hold, which simply isn’t true.
Just as recharging doesn’t mean that all extroverts are signing up to attend every social function. Every extrovert isn’t on the same playing field (same applies to introverts), when it comes to the varying degree of extroversion. I know the more I’ve grown up & matured, the more I’ve found a balance of needing alone time & people time. Being a mom who stays at home brings out the need for alone time even more.
Sweet friends Talia (ENFP) & Megan (IST/FJ)
Now, let’s go back to the McHugh post on his feeling inadequate when compared to his extroverted Christian friend. I get it. I see how being an introvert can be painfully difficult when extending yourself in those uncomfortable get to know you situations. Or feeling like most of the Evangelical Church has turned into a marketing & sales stage, which appears to be catered toward the extrovert. Something I don’t have as difficult of a time with, but…
…can I interject my extrovert point of view within this post.
As an extroverted, assertive & strong woman, I can feel like it is less of an asset within the church to be a woman extrovert. It’s the meek & mild woman who has been painted, the Mary sitting at Jesus feet whom gets praise. I have had to fight the lies, which spoke to me as a young girl in my mother’s shadow of a woman who is extroverted is more sinful than the introverted one. It’s the woman who kept quiet sitting at her husband’s feet calling him ‘lord’ who appears blessed.
This lie bled into my relationship with Ben as I saw that he never “sinned” with his mouth. It bled into relationships with friends.
Ultimately, it bled into my view of who God created me to be. Not as a daughter of the most High, but a less than image bearer, due to my extrovert personality.
What gets lost in this introversion & extroversion conversation is what one side views as “holier” than the other; thus, we feel the need to defend from the corner.
After Ben (an ISFJ) read the McHugh post, his response, “You know, it would appear that if we look at the early church fathers & monasticism, being an introvert was viewed as ‘more holy.'” I think he’s right. Depending on what church upbringing, family background, we can either value our introverted or extroverted self…or despise it.
Either way, it’s about being confident in who you are in Christ, and not allowing the lies to seep in. It’s like believing the lie that hospitality is about entertaining, when it’s actually about making room to see the Christ in others.
Backdoor Hospitality 
I am an INFJ and while I do need to recharge after being with people, I absolutely enjoy my extroverted friends. It should not be an us against them proposition. We all bring something to the table, so to speak. The most important things we should learn about the introversion/extroversion spectrum is sensitivity and understanding of our differences. But different shouldn't equate to better or worse and it's sad that people think it does. Thanks for this post. I think we all need to remember that we each have unique gifts and God uses them all for His glory.*
LikeLike
Kamille, this is timely to read! Starting tomorrow, I have 4 posts based on reading Introverts in the Church. It was an incredibly healing book for me and I explore that a couple of different ways on my blog. But I'm thankful that you've shared your extrovert side of things. I can see how extroversion might not be as valued in a woman in the church- unfortunately. It breaks my heart when anyone is put down for the way God created them to be. He does not hand out gifts and personalities lightly and it must sadden Him when people tell us not to express ourselves the way we were meant to.*
LikeLike
You make great points here! Both my wife and I are pastors. I'm an introvert, she's an extrovert. We both have to fight stereotypes of what "Christian leadership" is for our genders. I was told by a man in a Bible Study once that men who lead need to be more like Joshua — strong and courageous! (coincidentally synonymous with extroversion) Whereas the way to lead as a Christian woman was exactly how you characterize it here — meek and mild. I think the way you end — with the bit about hospitality — is a great way to look at this. It's not about one "right" way of being, but it's about acknowledging that God works in different ways through different people. There is something holy in all of us that comes out when we act like the person we were created to be, regardless of what the Meyers-Briggs tells us.*
LikeLike
Haven't read the book, but with regard to the comment of introverts appearing more holy, I concur that it would *appear* that way. Perhaps it's a result of being less talkative (which isn't a true mark of extraversion, as you pointed out). Regardless of personality type, all we have to do is open our mouths and reveal the contents of our hearts. I'm an introverted verbal processor, which just means I do my processing with a smaller group of people and then retreat for solitude. I wonder how much the pendulum swings back and forth: in earlier days (referencing Ben's comment) monasticism would have seemed introverted, but going back even father, Paul was anything but an introvert. Perhaps we've been in a swing to extroversion in today's church with the big personalities and thus so many comments on introversion? Oh, to have balance.Additionally, I think the personality typing is far too rigid (which we all know): while I'm introverted, I'm wildly opinionated and often outspoken – this has nothing to do with where I get my energy as an introvert.In either case, I wholeheartedly agree with you that we must know who we are in Christ and seek to be available fully to use the temperament He's given us in obedience and love for the Body.Good word!
LikeLike
Kamille, I was very curious about this one because in my church the extroverted woman is the ideal. I'm an INFP, and I loved Adam's book and it rang true with my experience in the evangelical church.He does emphasize that it's generally the *evangelical* church that's prone to the extrovert bias–not all churches. I appreciate your perspective as an extrovert on this topic so much. Thanks so much for bringing yours to the table.
LikeLike
Well, as a sister ENF, you KNOW I can relate to this. Oh goodness, yes I can. Especially as a woman extrovert. Gosh, I could say so much on this, but it would basically be re-stating everything you've said so powerfully here.I do think that a really good thing that has come from Adam's book is that, as Leigh mentioned above, it has offered a lot of healing for introverted members of the body of Christ. Like you, I'm a HUGE MB fan because it allows me to better love those who are different from me. We are wonderfully, amazingly created, and sometimes I feel like the more I can learn about another's unique personality, the more I am understanding about God.*
LikeLike
i appreciate this perspective and do think that the church values a gentle, submissive woman over an outspoken one. you are so right to point out how our assumptions and expectations can serve to make some feel like "less than image bearers."thanks for this.
LikeLike
hi Kamille, as an obvious extrovert, I understand your point about how people can view an extrovert as less than thoughtful, especially because I, like yourself, process my thoughts out loud in order to clarify what I think (to myself and others). I have found that many times I am surrounded by introverts and so I sometimes feel that I am being a burden to them because I can relate so intensely for extended periods of time. I worry that I'm leaving them exhausted and that I wasn't being a "good" Christian because of this. So, your blog has helped me to see how I can be thankful for how God has made me and how I am able to be used by God exactly because of this. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
I have been planning to write on this all week….because I THINK THIS IS AWESOME! Seriously! I was kind of feeling that all the talk on introversion was somehow slighting and/or placing extroverts in a box and the way you articulated it here just nailed it in so many ways!I know I have had to pull back at times to be taken seriously by men and choose the moments when I would allow my assertive side to take control. It is a delicate balance in ministry and in the church that was a constant juggling act.I have like a million thoughts on this topic but I will just stop there for now…Thank you for bolding "going there," fellow ENFJ but with so much love and respect for all types…same way I feel!Love you!
LikeLike