It’s approximately 134 hours into the New Year and I haven’t written once. I’ve seen my Facebook page flooded with new posts asking to be read, meanwhile, I sit blankly staring into my screen. With so much hope floating around these days, I can’t help but tell you that I have been feeling completely weary. If there was one word to describe me, it is weary.
You wouldn’t think weary should describe my soul, especially when I tell you that we found out in early December that God gave us a miracle in my womb. This alone should boast of hope & renewed joy. And yet, my soul has been like that of a monsoon hitting the desert land as it overflows & floods. There is no place for the water to soak up.
Can I be honest? I’m incredibly grateful, and there’s that aching of lies that turn the joy & hope sour. The lies that whisper to me of a hope deferred again. The waiting for the blood stain picture. The anticipation, not of holding a baby, but holding another empty womb. Every twinge, ache makes my heart race. Too much nausea I get nervous, not enough I think the baby is dead.
It’s just been this week where I let out the news publically, in order to find joy through others joy. Friends, would you walk with me, share your stories. You know, the ones filled with hope fulfilled. Scripture full of truth & life. Would you sit at my table, it’s been rather dull these days as my tastebuds feel bland & my stomach turns. But, would you remind me of the feast he prepares for us? Would you share a word, a story that encourages & builds faith?
Taste & see that the Lord is good…
A Year Ago: Tasty Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies (grain-free)
Two Years Ago: Meyer Lemon-Cranberry Scones & Posole
Backdoor Hospitality 
I could tell you many things about loss and hope~ about joy and pain. I could tell you this time it will be different but really, all you need to do is this: enjoy today. Relish the moments of peace. Exist in the pure blessing of carrying another tiny human full of potential and promise. And yes, weariness. Oh~ I can remember but I can't. It's been a while. I do know that there is no weariness that compares to THAT kind. And I have chronic fatigue but it is still so different. Rest, go slow through these days ….and give yourself permission to be happy and assured that the Lord has this one taken care of. 🙂 Congratulations~ this is a good, good way to start a new year.
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We set these little milestones for ourselves, once I pass the week that I lost the last one then I'll be okay. Then we hear of someone losing a baby at 18 weeks, once I pass that mark I'll breath a little better. Then we hear of someone having a baby at 26 weeks and the jitters want to come back. I'm 26 weeks today and this is the background buzzing that wants to distract me from what is good and true and that is my little one is in God's hands regardless of my past or other people's present. Courage my friend. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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I want to say something encouraging, but I have never experienced a pregnancy at all. To say I know how you feel isn't true. I can tell you that when you wrote you were pregnant on Twitter, I smiled. A deep smile. The redemptive story God is writing for you is an encouragement to me. I'm praying that this baby will be born healthy and you'll experience the comfort of the Lord each day that goes by. Be encouraged, we have a Father who loves us!
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Sweet friend. I was just reading 1 Sam. 2 with my kids this morning and I asked them to tell me in their words what Hannah's prayer meant. They said, "She was thanking God because she knew that He does everything right and has a purpose." I've never walked in your shoes, but I know in my own life, He is always good, He's the same yesterday, today and forever and His word does not return void. At times, those are the truths I have to stand on, when I don't understand what He's doing.~His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are higher still.~Love you sister and pray your prayers in a year, will be just like the one I read this morning.~Kristin
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What a treat to run into you at Target last week! Thank you for taking time to stop and chat with me, it was great. I am so happy for you and this baby is so lucky to have you for a Mama 🙂 Relax, trust, and have faith!You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Kamille, I love your honest words, sprawled out here. And if we were neighbors and not bloggy friends, I would bring hope in the form of a dinner your kids will gobble up and a nice long talk. But here in the comment box I'll leave you a little note to tell you that I know the tension of wrestling between fear and hope too, as we await medical results for a precocious five year old who seems a-okay on the outside, and we're praying she is inside, on x-rays and MRI films. And I'm thankful we have a Father leads us as a gentle Shepherd. And I will pray for your heart to be filled with brave hope and for that baby. And this, Isaiah 40. I won't post the whole thing here, just verse 11:Like a shepherd He will tend His flock,In His arm He will gather the lambsAnd carry them in His bosom;He will gently lead the nursing ewes.
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