Spirituality – Page 2 – Backdoor Hospitality

Palace Temple & Hospitality

When I think about hospitality and what that really looks like…I typically find myself watching other people to see what they’ve come up with. And on Friday night as Ben and I were sitting in a living room listening to the story of a lady we both know, it was at that moment that I took a mental picture. I take these pictures of moments that I don’t want to forget. Unless it’s really standout, I most often forget if I don’t write it down. Well, here I am, writing it down…it being the story of Trudy & John and The Whatcom Dream.

I’ve heard Trudy’s story a couple times now, but it’s still phenomenal to me. She grew up knowing & using the welfare system. Not thinking much about what future she could have, she bought into the system and became a product of all she knew. There wasn’t a way out until she encountered T.W.D. However, T.W.D. was more than an organization, but it was people who met Trudy & John where they were. T.W.D. teaches financial classes to empower those who are financially destitute to give them a hope, yet not a handout. Trudy would call herself a sassy young woman with the mouth of a sailor (both verbally & what went in).

But, as the members of T.W.D. met her where she was at, she also soon realized that Jesus wanted to meet her where she was at. She and John got married, started serving the Lord, and moved out of Bellingham’s renown poorest/highest crime rate neighborhood into safe suburbia. But (yes there’s always a ‘but’), God told her that she needed to move back to the neighborhood where she came from and be evangitality to meet the people where they were at.

So they packed up their stuff, sold their place, and bought the little pink house which was once a well-known meth house on the Texas block. They were redeeming the evil for the good. Fast forward ahead and Trudy & John still live in that old meth house, except they have been living out true hospitality to their neighbors & neighborhood. They have started a community garden, host bonfires, and simply go out through their neighborhood to know the people who live there. People flock to John & Trudy. And I think it’s because they emanate a pure goodness.

What struck me on Friday night was something new as Trudy spoke. She & John are shining lights in their neighborhood and I know they genuinely love their neighbors. Their authenticity is what makes them so attractive. But what got me was this…I shouldn’t feel guilty that I’m not living in the “ghetto” doing hard core hospitality. However, I began to ask God, “what would you have us do and where?” You see, when you hear stories like Trudy’s you cannot help, but want to pack up all your stuff and give it away for the less fortunate. Yet, I don’t think that’s necessarily the answer all the time (sometimes yes, most the time…no). Do I have the answer for myself and my family? No.

But, what I do know, at this very moment is this. I truly believe that wherever I find myself, in whatever circumstance, I need to seek out contentment. When I think about Ben and my dream to own a house suitable for hospitality I can get discouraged. However, when I think about what we are blessed with…the size really doesn’t matter. Isn’t it more about making due with what you have? And when I recall my formative years, it’s not about the size, style, or aesthetic quality of the house which gave me hospitality. No, it was the about the size of the heart, the style in grace and the attention to detail that the person gave me (as a person worthy of dignity), which brought me hospitality. It didn’t even matter how immaculate their house was, but how they preserved me as a person.

And that’s what spoke to me the most on Friday night. Trudy is speaking worth into these people’s lives. She is doing opposite of what the money changers were doing in the temple 2000+ years ago when Jesus turned over their tables. She is viewing each person as God’s Palace Temple and that’s not anything to be taken lightly.

But where do I find my place to extend hospitality these days? Honestly, (and I hope this isn’t a cop out) I think a vast majority comes in the form of mothering. How do I treat my children as God’s Palace Temple on an hourly basis? Although most of my time is dedicated to this life-long journey of mothering at the moment, I am constantly seeking where else I can meet people where they are at to reassure them that they too are God’s Palace Temple, which I think is the very core of genuine hospitality.

Mustard Roasted Cauliflower

As I’m sure we are all blown away by the wreckage on the news, internet, facebook, etc with the devastation in Haiti, it might makes us wonder about so many things in life. One thing I’ve been struck by is the certainty of my blessings. As I sat at the table last night eating dinner with my family, Ben shared about his lunch appointment that day and the first hand accounts of Mozambique orphans. His client spoke of witnessing a four year old child raising his 18 month old sibling, all the while searching through the garbage dump for food, clothing, & basic sustenance of life.

Both of us looking at our girls with their pretty little heads adorned with piggy tails thinking the same thing…”you girls are blessed.” Tears start to form as I look at my girls living in that condition and my heart breaks. My girls who know nothing of trial, or pain, or anything evil. Their innocence as they eat grilled cheese sandwiches and I think upon my comment about dinner before sitting down, “this is our humble dinner tonight, nothing fancy.” But this humble dinner would be the feast for those orphans in the dump.

And as I left for a meeting that night, I wept in the car. I wept thinking of the Haitian mothers who would never hold their babies again. Little bodies being crushed by falling buildings. Babies who would never hear their mother’s song, or feel the warmth of her touch, or the protection & love of their father, because they are now orphans. And what do I do with this anguish? I cry, I weep, I mourn. I cry with the mother. I cry with the father. I cry with the child.

My friend once asked the question of herself and God. When am I sinning? When I laugh at what God cries at. When I mock at what God scorns. When I judge at what God is extending grace to. So in this hour, I choose to cry for the broken, to scorn the flippant, to extend grace…and reflect upon how truly blessed I am.

Today I made this simple, mustard roasted cauliflower. It reminded me of how something so meager can be very fulfilling. And how it’s the little things in life, which are the most rewarding. I hope you will find your little blessings to be thankful for and give blessings to the people in the wreckage.

Mustard Roasted Cauliflower (printable recipe)

This is a simple meal for simple times and you can easily roast a couple of these slices then store some in the fridge for other uses. I love the combination of the salt, mustard and sweetness of the roasted cauliflower.

1 head of cauliflower
2 Tb Olive oil (or more)

2T Dijon mustard
Fine sea salt

Preheat oven to 400 F – Place the head of cauliflower on a cutting board, and slice it top-down into ¼-inch thick slices, some of which will crumble. Baste cauliflower with plenty of olive oil, dijon mustard and a bit of salt, spread it in a single layer on a heavy sheet pan (or two, if one looks crowded), and roast until golden brown and caramelized, turning bits and slices once or twice, about 25 minutes.

Cranberry-Orange Crostata

It’s been extremely cold outside lately. I took my oldest with me to the grocery store and just walking from the car to the store, I was regretting my decision to leave my gloves at home. But what got me was what I witnessed on our way home. A middle school aged boy walking home with shorts, lightweight sweatshirt & basketball jersey. Seriously?! I checked the temp stat once I got home…31 degrees, but feels like 21.

This makes me happy knowing we have heat in our home, a pot of chicken stock cooking, beds that are “just right” (I’ve been telling a lot of Goldilocks these days) and a family that is in anticipation during this Advent season. I was reminded yesterday about the need to believe again. Believe in the unseen & seen. To believe what continues to turn up empty. So, as Ben is sick in bed and me listening to the rhythm of the dishwasher, I will continue to hope.

And I think part of that hoping is tied up with food. We look forward to events to share life with one another, but also the food involved in the communal feast. This crostata or galette (there pretty much the same thing) is a delightful Holiday feast with the flaky crust, tangy cranberries, zest of orange & cardamom to bring it all together.

Cranberry Crostata or Galette (printable recipe)

I made this for a dear friend after she had her first baby. The crust is one I have used to make mini pecan tartlets, which is from The Pampered Chef. When I made it, I doubled the crust, in order to make another for later.

Ingredients:

Crust

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup cream cheese

1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour

1 beaten egg

turbinado sugar for sprinkling

Filling

2 cups frozen cranberries or fresh

1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom

zest of one orange

juice from one orange

2 tablespoons Triple Sec (or Cointreau)

1/2 cup light brown sugar

1/4 cup turbinado sugar

Preheat oven to 350.

Crust: Combine all ingredients into a food processor to combine until it forms a ball. You could also beat your butter & cream cheese in a mixer, then add your flour. Separate into two equal disks. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least an hour.

Filling: Combine all of the ingredients into a pan over medium heat. Stirring to combine and wait till it starts to bubble. Turn to low heat and allow the cranberries to pop. Some of the cranberries will keep their form, while others will not. It will thicken up a bit, around 15 (if frozen) minutes. Taste to see if it needs more sugar. You still want the sour tang, but not overpowering you that you’re in a constant pucker face. Take off heat.

Assemble: If you have a pizza peel, then you could put some parchment on it and roll out your pastry dough on top. I have a pizza stone in my oven at all times & I simply slide the parchment with galette onto the stone. If you don’t have either of these, then put the parchment paper on a jelly roll sheet or cookie sheet. Roll it to 12 inches. Pour all of the cooked cranberries in the middle of the rolled out dough. You should have about a 2-3 inch circle of dough without cranberries on it. Carefully, fold up one part of the dough onto the cranberries.

Then, going counterclockwise, continue making folds with pleats, until you get to the last fold of dough. Brush your beaten egg over the dough & sprinkle with turbinado sugar. Bake for 30-35 minutes. OR…till the pastry puffs & is a lovely golden color. Let it cool for around 25 minutes before you slice into it.

Thankfulness Squash Galette

It’s almost Thanksgiving and I really should be in bed. However, since I’m at my in-laws house, I know I get to sleep in. I’ve been extremely blessed with loving in-laws who are also amazing grandparents. They have a rule, which is one I affirm wholeheartedly, “Parents get to sleep in while they take care of the grandkids.” I am thankful.

And I know it’s Thanksgiving, to which we are to be grateful for all the many blessings we’ve been given; however, life happens at the most inopportune times and you’re not always handed something to be thankful about. I received some news which is discouraging and causes me to think with a fatalistic fear. I’m not gifted with optimism the majority of the time. And although I would say my glass is half full, this doesn’t equate with walking around thinking I can tackle anything and keep truckin’.

I’m at first glance an optimist fatalist, because I’m an extrovert who is over dramatic. I see the best in the outcome, but I get caught up in the path to get there at times. Ultimately, I need to remember that I am not savior and rely on one who is. Life is hard enough without having a savior complex. What…with being a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, etc., is enough in and of itself. I’m only required to live in this moment and do what I’m called to do. My job is not to be the perfect mom. Or to cook the perfect meals. Or to carry others burdens/issues. I don’t have to live up to expectations that others have set for me or even ones I’ve set for myself.

And in a world where we compare everything and everyone, it can be pretty damn hard. Where our children are compared to one another from day one based on their weight & length. Where mothers ask other mothers what “percentile” their child falls (maybe to feel good that their child is a bit bigger and doing “better”). Where smart is based on knowing your ABC’s, speaking in fluent tongue, or excelling in ‘quantifiable’ means. Where beauty is measured based on waist size & symmetrically aligned faces.

Yet, in the midst of all the reasons aforementioned (and then some), I can take solace in what the prophet Zephaniah spoke to Israel many, many moons ago:

Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!

The LORD has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.

The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;

never again will you fear any harm.

On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, O Zion;

do not let your hands hang limp.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”

I like knowing that I am to “shout…rejoice with all my heart,” because He “delights” in me, he “quiets” my whole being with “his love,” and he “rejoices over me with singing.” It gives me a picture of my daughter happily singing (in and out of tune) with complete abandon through the living room. It brings me joy & I fully delight, or enjoy her…for her. And when she’s upset, or hurt, or even quietly in my lap…I get to shower my songs upon her. And oh my, it brings her peace in the midst of a storm feeling. Thankfulness…it’s knowing that type of peace in eye of the storm, and choosing to see the good in the midst of it. So for that…I am thankful for this day the Lord has made.

If you’re wanting to add some tangible thankfulness to your day (or someone else), then this galette is definitely high on the list. Happy Thanksgiving!

Butternut Squash Galette & Delicata Squash Galette (printable recipe)

This pastry crust is courtesy of Epicurious. I needed to make two Galettes, so I doubled the pastry ingredients below. I also used 3/4 butternut squash for one galette and 1/4 for the other galette. The crust was flaky, savory & sublime. I love these for their versatility and improvisation.

For pastry:

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 stick cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1 tablespoon chopped sage leaves
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
4 to 6 tablespoons ice-cold water
1 large egg, lightly beaten

For butternut squash filling:

1 (2-pound) butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into 2- by 1/4-inch slices (4 cups) **reserve about 1/4 of it for other galette if making it.
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
2 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 medium sized shallot
4 ounces soft mild goat cheese
4 ounces soft cream cheese
1 egg

Make dough:
Pulse flour, butter, sage, and sea salt in a food processor until mixture resembles coarse meal. Drizzle ice water evenly over mixture and pulse until it just forms a ball. (Do not overwork dough, or pastry will be tough.) Gently press dough into a 5-inch disk and chill, wrapped in plastic wrap, until firm, at least 1 hour.

Make filling while dough chills:
Preheat oven to 500°F with rack in middle.

Toss squash with sea salt and 1 Tbsp oil and arrange in 1 layer in a 17-by 12-inch shallow baking pan. Roast, stirring once halfway through roasting, until golden brown on edges and undersides, 20 to 25 minutes. Remove squash from oven and reduce oven temperature to 375°F.

Meanwhile, saute shallots in 1 tablespoons oil with a pinch of sea salt in a 10-inch heavy skillet over medium heat, until tender, about 3 minutes. Transfer to a small bowl to cool slightly. Combine goat cheese, cream cheese & egg in a small bowl. Mix to combine.

Make galette:
Roll out dough into a 13-inch round on a lightly floured surface with a lightly floured rolling pin. Transfer to a baking sheet. Spread out cheese filling in center of dough. Dump about 3/4 of butternut squash on top, along with shallots, leaving a 2- to 3-inch border. Fold dough in on itself to cover outer rim of filling, pleating dough as necessary. Put a few sage leaves on top, drizzle with olive oil & sprinkle with sea salt. Brush pastry with beaten egg and bake galette until crust is cooked through and golden on edges, 35 to 45 minutes. Cool on baking sheet on a rack 10 minutes before serving.

Delicata-Butternut Squash with Kale Galette: there’s no need to peel the delicata, because it’s skin is tender upon roasting and is easily eaten.

1 delicata squash
olive oil for drizzling delicata
sea salt for sprinkling delicata
1/4 of above cooked butternut squash
1 medium shallot (I cooked 2 shallots and divided them between the two recipes)
3 kale leaves, vein removed & chopped into bite sized pieces
1 Tablespoon olive oil
5 ounces goat cheese

Cut ends off of delicata. Scoop out seeds & pulp. Cut into 1/4 inch rings, then cut into half moons. Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment. Drizzle with olive oil & sprinkle with sea salt. Roast at 450 for roughly 15 minutes. They don’t take that long. Cool.

Meanwhile, saute kale in 1 tablespoon of olive oil till tender. You may need to add more oil or even some water. Remove to a small bowl and set aside. Saute chopped up half moon shallots in 2 teaspoons olive oil for 1 minute or so. Remove to small bowl.

Combine the delicata squash, 1/4 leftover of cooked butternut squash, cooked shallot, & kale together. Roll out your dough following instructions above, drop goat cheese throughout the center of the rolled out galette. Arrange the vegetables on top of the goat cheese lined crust. Fold dough in on itself to cover outer rim of filling, pleating dough as necessary. Brush pastry with beaten egg and bake galette until crust is cooked through and golden on edges, 35 to 45 minutes. Cool on baking sheet on a rack 10 minutes before serving.

Promise & Spicy Pumpkin Soup

I’m sitting in my living/dining room looking outside to the glorious picture of sunshine pouring down on the golden leaves left on the tree with the faint hue of blue in the sky. The wind is beginning to breathe big breaths upon the leaves and awaken the gray clouds to another stormy afternoon. But in the meantime, I will enjoy what this brief window of sunshine has to offer. With my oldest being sick the past couple days, we’ve been relegated to “operation indoors” (a.k.a. cabin fever). And as I haven’t had much alone time with her being sick and random sleeping times as a result, then you mix in my youngest who is sleeping during the oldest awake hours…well, that equals one exhausted mama.

So yes, I will enjoy this calm before the storm.

I think it’s fitting that I live in the Pacific Northwest in comparison to the way life is and how they correlate with the seasons here. As the wind and the rains pour down, so is our life at many moments. It’s hard to look past the knee high puddles, shivering bodies, and wind blown hair to remember the rainbow after the storms. And as any person living in the PacNW, they would say, “but it storms so much that the sun rarely gives light for a rainbow.” Too true, leaving us feeling a bit hollow inside.

I like what David Bazan from Pedro the Lion says in his song, ‘Promise.’ (this was Ben and my wedding recessional)

for what i’ve seen so far, i can’t believe my eyes
and what a nice surprise
if i look up and the sky’s not there,
is there any reason i should be scared
when a promise, is a promise, i know
if i look up and the sky’s not there,
is there any reason i should be scared
when a promise, is a promise, i know

I like the certainty which comes from Jesus even when we’re walking (or trying to get up) through life’s stormy weather. I have many things to be thankful for in this day…roof over my head, husband with a job, two daughters without major health problems, picturesque view out my window and I am my beloved’s.

Spicy Pumpkin Soup (printable recipe)

This recipe is from my friend Laura and it’s very forgiving as I have changed things here and there, but two things are for sure..1. it’s easy and 2. people will LOVE it. Plus, for vegans & vegetarians, simply substitute chicken broth with vegetable broth.

Ingredients:

1 Tb oil
1 Tb each, minced garlic and chili powder
1-2 tsp ground cumin (I love cumin)
1/2 tsp ground coriander
1/4 tsp chili pepper flakes

4 cups chicken broth
2 cups cooked garbanzo beans or 2 cans (15 oz) chick peas (garbanzo beans), rinsed & drained
1 1/2 cups pumpkin puree or 1 can (15 oz) solid pack pumpkin
2 cups corn kernels, or 2 cans corn kernels, drained
3/4 cup salsa
salt to taste

In a soup pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add the chili powder, cumin, coriander & garlic and cook for 1 minute, while constantly stirring. Add broth, increase heat to medium-high, throw everything else in, bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer.

Your soup will eventually start to thicken and resemble the texture of thin gravy, which is what you want. You can easily have this on the table within 30 minutes. Serve it with cornbread and sour cream. You could even use black beans or some other bean of your choice. I prefer the chickpea, but do what you like–it’s truly forgiving. This has a bit of Indian flavor to it and I typically keep adding in more cumin till it hits the right spot.

Juxtaposition

My mom is a woman who’s been through a lot of trials in her 53 years of life. We’ve bumped heads as we are similar in many ways, but we have also laughed, cried & encouraged one another through some pretty hard patches. And through our similarities there are of course the differences we hold. I (as you know) love love love to bake and love love to cook (bake is higher on the list), but my mom not so much. My mom love love loves to talk on the phone, and actually I’m not the biggest fan. I know she would say how I raise my girls, love my husband and tend to household duties is completely opposite to how she did those things when she was my age.

And although she didn’t necessarily teach me how to organize like Martha Stewart would have to her daughter (thank God), I would say my mom gave me gifts through her actions (those that surpass magazine covers or tangible sensibilities in Better Home & Garden magazines). Instead, she taught me what hospitality looked like (even though I didn’t know it was called that). Because my mom wasn’t the (and isn’t) type to say, “see, what I’m doing is called this…(fill in the blank).” She was simplistic in her love and grace to others (she’d probably disagree being hard on herself and call herself judgmental, but she always asked us kids for forgiveness when she was in the wrong).

I can recall my mom being the only parent who welcomed in kids to our home who were unwelcome in other “church” families’ homes. She had/has the knack of befriending just about anyone and “the least of these” are drawn to my mother. She loves without pretense and gives the benefit of the doubt. It’s the people who most of society, if they were honest with themselves, wouldn’t really want to hang out with or associate with. It’s what some might call ‘white trash, Walmart shopping, trailer park residing, welfare living, food stamp eating’ sort of people. I’m thankful for her goodness as she loves like Jesus, while providing me an example of how to love. She is so good about this and I find it to be a virtuous trait.

Christine Pohl, author of Making Room wrote:

Followers of Christ should offer a generous welcome to “the least of these,” without concern for advantage or benefit to the host. Because hospitality is a way of life, it must be cultivated over a lifetime. We do not become good at hospitality in an instant; we learn it in small increments of daily faithfulness. Hospitality is difficult because it involves hard work. People wear out and struggle with limits. Our society places a high value on control, planning, and efficiency, but hospitality is unpredictable and often inefficient. We insist on measurable results and completed tasks, but the results of hospitality are impossible to quantify and the work of hospitality is rarely finished.

One thing I think Pohl left out was, “Hospitality is messy.” It’s untamable, much like Aslan being described in the Chronicles of Narnia (who is the Christ figure in the series). We cannot guarantee that we will love every minute. We cannot control who it is that we are being called to show hospitality to in reality. And this is why hospitality is not entertainment. It’s not about having matching silverware and placemats, a fancy meal, or the best home to showcase it all in. That’s what Fine Living would tell you, but it’s the picture Jesus painted in his parable of having a fine feast inviting all the finest people in the land. However, none of them came. So the host went out & invited the ‘least of these’ from the streets to wine & dine at his feast (juxtaposition). He took any focus off himself to lavish it upon his guests. Making them the star.

So I ask myself (and my family), ‘how do we live in juxtaposition?’ I choose messy & unfinished, much like parenting right:) What do you do to live in juxtaposition? live in the messy & unfinished (‘rarely finished’)?

Pumpkin Pecan Scones

Today at church service was the first day that I didn’t have either of my girls with me from start to finish. It was nice to be able to worship and take in those precious moments of simply being. Our church family is going through I Corinthians right now. Our teaching pastor, Jim, spoke about the crux in the Corinthians lives. He was relating it to his mountain climbing experience; with the crux being the challenge/obstacle in the climb to get over.

This central idea of the crux was woven throughout the message, and eventually got me asking, “What is the crux in my life’s journey? What is the crux in my journey via mothering…via marriage…via my growing up family?” Sometimes the crux is only there for a season in our lives and it strengthens us for future cruxes, which are five times larger. Other times the crux is something that keeps getting brought up. In those instances, maybe the crux keeps coming up because we truly haven’t dealt with it.

Just in the mountain climbing scenario, the crux is only truly conquered when we deal with it head on. We cannot ignore it, climb around, or sit beneath it; rather, we need to do the hard work and climb over it. I believe the best part about this is how Jesus is waiting for us to ask for his help. (He’s only going to help when I ask for it. He never forces himself on me) The same is true for friends & family helping us get over the crux; but, only when we ask for their help.

One of my cruxes is being too helpful when people are hurting, but they’re not willing to change. I take on more than I should bear and it slowly destroys me (something I am trying to climb over). It’s learning to set up boundaries, knowing when to say no, and stripping off the Savior complex (not an easy task). But I’m hopeful! And with that, these yummy scones are an easy way to be helpful to anyone you meet without taking on more than you should bear (except eating a few too many).

Pumpkin Pecan Scones (printable recipe)

I was looking to create a scone recipe based on a wonderful pumpkin cookie I made from here. Now if you’re one of those people who is impartial to Starbuck’s Pumpkin Scones than you need to make these. Because these ones will knock your socks off and the Starbucks version will be a distant memory, while you’ll be having a “define the relationship” with these pumpkin scones.

Ingredients:

2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour

1/2 cup sugar (I use unrefined)

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg (I seriously believe freshly grated makes a difference, but you could use the ground nutmeg from the store)

1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1-inch cubes

1 cup buttermilk (extra for brushing the tops of the scone prior to baking)

1 cup pumpkin puree (I used my own pumpkin puree, because that’s what I do, but I understand not everyone has this fetish, so buy canned pumpkin)

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup toasted & chopped pecans (plus some additional for topping, totally optional)

turbinado sugar for sprinkling

frosting recipe below

Preheat oven to 350. Dump both flours, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and all of the spices into a food processor. Process for 30 seconds (this will sift it, aerate it and incorporate all the ingredients). Dump the butter on top and pulse (for 1-2 second intervals) about 8-10 times. Dump contents into a large bowl & set aside.

Combine buttermilk, egg, pumpkin puree, & vanilla in a small bowl or mixing cup. With the dry ingredients, make a hole in the middle and pour wet ingredients into the hole. Stir with a wooden spoon or spatula just till the wet & dry ingredients have been combined. You don’t want to over mix, because you’re aiming for a biscuit texture (which requires visible pieces of butter). Then, add the chopped pecans and combine with your hands (because that’s what they’re here for), once again being delicate with the dough. The dough should be a bit sticky, which is okay.

Separate the dough in half. Sprinkle flour on a flat surface and form one of the halves into a circle. I don’t use a rolling pin, but use my hands to shape the dough into a circle measuring about 1/2 inch high and 6-8 inches round (really you’re aiming more for the 1/2 inch height and the diameter is merely a gauge). Cut into 8 pieces. Repeat process with the other half.

Put a sheet of parchment paper on baking sheet. Place the scones on top. Brush with buttermilk & sprinkle with turbinado sugar. Bake for 20-25 minutes. **Make frosting after your scones are baked, because the frosting has little window in terms of pliability/workability.** Top with frosting/icing & a pecan (or a some chopped pecans). Serve with some coffee.

Frosting

3 tablespoons butter

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

4 teaspoons milk (I used whole milk)

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup powdered sugar

Combine butter, brown sugar, milk, & vanilla in saucepan over medium heat. Cook long enough to melt butter and sugar dissolves. Take off heat. Add powdered sugar and mix to combine till smooth. Use immediately by spreading on top of scones.

Shalom for Supermom

There are places within my life that creep out without any announcement of its arrival. As I’m simply sitting, walking, going along my day, I’m hit with this sense of distress. It’s like a suffocation that begins in my toes and slowly makes it way to my neck. I feel overwhelmed and disconnected. Disconnected with life. Disconnected with being a mom, being a wife, or simply being. I want to run far away to release, but even doing that doesn’t stop the disjointed feeling within me.

This would describe how I felt on Saturday. Both girls napping and me folding laundry with Ben sitting in the chair next to me. I was irritable, frustrated, angry, annoyed and probably any other negative adjective you can think of to fill in the blank. I knew my fuse was super short and I couldn’t put my finger on it. All I knew is something was out of balance. I began to tell Ben about my frustrations. How I felt like I was endlessly working on our home (household duties that are neverending, i.e. feed girls, wash dishes, do laundry, clean & sweep, etc, etc, etc). I felt like I wasn’t being appreciated for the work I did. I was feeling like there were expectations being put upon me that I felt were unfair, or even unrealistic. As I was talking (being the extrovert that I am) out how I felt, whether it be rational or not, it was as if I was peeling away layers of an onion coming to the core of the real issue at hand. The cause of this suffocation. As if I was Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader clawing away at my skin to release myself from this metaphorical dragon skin.

As Ben listened to me and let me simply vent, I was able to scratch through the surface and two truths emerged from the core of these feelings. One was what Ben said, (as I paraphrase) “you don’t have to be Supermom, Superwife, or super anything. Remember it’s like what Rob Bell wrote about, ‘you need to take your Superwhatever and take it out back and kill it.” The second was me realizing I simply needed grace.

Now it’s Monday and I’ve been stewing in these words and feelings today. I pulled out Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell to find that chapter on the Superperson image. If you’re not familar with Rob Bell, he’s the pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church of Grand Rapids, Michigan, making of the NOOMA videos, and in my personal opinion, is very refreshing to hear or read.

In the chapter, Tassels, in Velvet Elvis, he speaks about a time Mars Hills was growing and growing and he found himself in a closet between the 9:00 and 11:00 am service holding his keys, wondering how quickly he could get out of there. He was suffocated, like many, from trying to do it all. He was trying to be Superpastor. You know the image, doesn’t say no to anyone, needs to be the model father & husband, needs to live up to the potential that has been inscribed for self, basically a facade. No one can survive living a facade for long.

Let’s translate that to my feelings on Saturday and what I was really feeling. I would take something good in Scripture and slant it a bit, like Proverbs 31. A wife of noble character. As I looked at this description, I began to think how was I this wife and mother? How was I becoming “my ideal?” How was I living up to “my potential?” How was “I” filling or meeting my husband’s needs? How was I being a self-sacrificing mother? I mean, is it not a good thing that I have chosen to stay at home with my children, because it’s the best thing for them? I still believe that and I wouldn’t start working outside of the home to find “my grace,” but I was missing the mark.

Back to Rob Bell, he writes about the tzitzit appearing in Numbers 15, which are the tassels on the corners of the garment. The Israelites were to wear these tassels as a physical reminder to remember the commands of the Lord when they looked upon them. To not just remember the Lord’s commands, but where they came from. Not just where they came from, but who they were made to be. And not just who they were made to be, but how they were meant to live life (meaning for modern day: was I prescribing an anecdote that simply didn’t fit God’s for my life?)

What’s interesting about the tzitzit is how Jesus as a good Torah abiding Jew would have been wearing these on his prayer shawl when, the woman who was bleeding for 12 years touched the corner of his garment. But even more so is what Jesus said to the woman, “Go in Peace.” Too often peace is described (as Bell puts it) as “without conflict or absence of conflict,” but it’s so much more. It’s easy to find in Bellingham bumper stickers that say, “Know War Know Peace, No War No Peace,” which describes peace as a picture of all nations holding hands in unity. This picture misses the point.

To know peace is to know restoration. Jesus isn’t merely wanting to give us a peace without conflict or war–it’s deeper. Jesus was telling me on Saturday and today and constantly, “Kamille, go in peace, have shalom, walk in the total presence of my restoring, redemptive peace I’ve given on the cross. Not just in physical realities like the woman I healed, but the mental, emotional, all-encompassing peace. Let all of you be restored.” It’s this holistic beauty in the cross.

Salvation is more than simply saying a prayer and having a ticket to ride for free. It’s allowing Jesus to move through all of me. To have true shalom moving through me in all that I do. It’s the restoration of all things through Jesus. On Saturday, my way of doing things was breaking down. I had this image in my head of what “spiritual” looked like, what a “good” mom looked like, what a “loving” wife looked like.

Here Bell puts it very well: In addition, there is always a mystery behind the mystery. There is a reason we do what we do, and often it is the result of something that is the result of something that is–you guessed it–the result of something. What happens is we try to fix things, but we stop at the first or second layer. We’re stressed and so we make adjustments in time management. But a better question is, why do I take on so much? But an even better question is, why is it so hard for me to say no? Or even, why is that person’s approval so important to me?

But it’s even deeper than that and it’s not until you dig up everything–that you discover the core problem. The core problem is walking away from Shalom and walking in sin, which usually comes from a lifetime of lies I’ve believed about myself. I have believed in the facade of who I need to be and it’s an insult to the creative God who made me.

Instead, this is my job, “the relentless pursuit of who God has made me to be. And anything else I do is sin and I need to repent of it.” My job is not supermom, superwife, superbaker, superdaughter, superfriend, or whatever super fill in the blank I’m putting on myself. I need to kill the “super” image. I need to rest in God alone and get back to finding my identity in Him. I need to have my own tzitzit in my life to bring me back to the restoring grace and love of my Savior. I need to wipe out the voices of even good intentioned people in my life, because it detracts me from my job, “the relentless pursuit of who God has made me to be.” I still have a long ways to go in this journey, but I hope you’ll join me in it. I pray that we will find true shalom in our journey & we take our Superwhatever’s out back and kill them.