Category Archives: Spirituality

A Longing Heart for Overworked Lungs & Sweat

  I’ve been sick.  Sick as in, “Can a cold really be worse than the flu?” sick.  Body aching, fatigue & incoherent.  Yet, I have thoughts, reflections & lots of posts I want to write about.  Yet…I have no energy to write them.  I wanted my next post to be about why food is integralContinue reading “A Longing Heart for Overworked Lungs & Sweat”

A Five Year Old’s Redemption

Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—Psalm 107:2 When I was five years old, I had a deep love for Jesus.  My parents had a mattress store where I would get dropped off from the school bus.  I was in morning kindergarten and arrived just before lunch.  Some days I would have toContinue reading “A Five Year Old’s Redemption”

Loneliness to Solitude to Healthy Sweet Potato Chips

Ben & I are doing another round of Whole 30. The second time around isn’t really that hard.  I didn’t feel like I was kicking a habit (mentally or physically) like last time.  If anything, I’ve simply been a little bored with it this time.  I think this is partially due to the boredom, whichContinue reading “Loneliness to Solitude to Healthy Sweet Potato Chips”

Beet Salad Done Right!!

I’ve been suffering from a bit of writer’s block.  In college when it came time to write my history papers I would fumble & fumble with the introduction.  And that’s how it’s been feeling when I sit down to write a new post.  I can’t seem to find just the right words to begin.  But, in a way, it’s exactly how life is going in the here & now.  Take breakfast for instance.  It’s 8:00 and I’m actually showered & ready, so breakfast should be a snap.  Not quite.  When I came downstairs I found my “risen bread” to be not so risen, but quite fallen.  I didn’t want to waste it, so I began thinking what I could do instead.

Then, insert two little girls under the age of four asking for, “Mama, can you put Shortcake Swing on?” Me: “Yes! (still looking baffled at my dough).  And since I didn’t move in .milliseconds I was asked the same question again.  Then, Tayers needed her boots on like sissy.  Oh, but my hands were sticky, so go and wash, help with said boots, then back to dou…oh wait, there’s dirt all over the floor.  Find broom.  Another question asked of me.  Me wondering if I had something I was doing in the kitchen.  By the time I got back the dough was sticking to the board.  Eventually, I made a sad excuse for a breakfast pizza (eggs cooking on top, dough a bit soggy [because it was intended for bread in the first place]); however, the girls didn’t seem to mind.

Oh, what I also forgot to mention was the time when we finally ate…oh about 9:15.  Because what ensued from the time I started to the time I finished, well, I have no clue at this point in the afternoon.  I do know that I lost my marbles at one time with a bit more boisterous mama (some call it shouting) saying, “I need to think!  Out of the kitchen…get out of the kitchen!”  I think I was the one who needed an immediate time out and my apologies & reminding myself in front of the girls how we are to “use our words.”  That’s what my introductions to posts feel like.  My life at present is like the first time I learned to drive stick, a whole bunch of jerking stops not knowing how (or if I should) to begin again.

But you know, I find a bit of solace amidst of all this (granted, it’s almost 8 hours later).  As I was picking up the toys, hats, shoes from the floor for the umpteenth time I thought of the people without kids (whether it be the barren, the empty nester, etc) and how this mere “inconvenience” is full of life.  Our home is full of non-stop chatting, laughter, cries, music, movement & breaths.  The silence is more than appreciated & needed, but there’s something about that little voice after nap, which gladly says, “Hi Mama!”  There’s something about it all that I wish I could stuff it into a bottle so it never fades.  It’s contentment in these little things, that makes a Monday feel like a Friday.  This little salad does just that.  The acidity from the marinated beets, sweet licorice blend from the fennel, and the creaminess from the avocado.  You could eat it by itself or put it on top of salad greens.

A Year Ago: Superlative Chocolate Chip Cookies & Cabbage-Apple Salad

Beet, Fennel, & Avocado Salad

This salad can be eaten without salad greens, or with.  I found a good washed kind from my Farmer’s Market (had kale, mustard greens, herbs, bibb lettuce).  Be sure you don’t throw out your beet greens.  You can either saute them up with a little minced garlic, olive oil & salt for later.  Or, chop them up to use as part of your salad greens for this here salad.

(printable recipe)

Ingredients:

1 bunch of beets (if you can get a variety sold at a Farmer’s Market–that would be optimal)

4-5 small fennel bulbs (or 2 big ones)

2 ripe avocados

Raw Apple Cider Vinegar

Kosher Salt or Sea Salt

Olive oil

Mixed Greens

Directions:  Chop the beet greens off (save them for later use by steaming or cut up & put as part of your salad).  Scrub the beets, but no need to peel them.  Thinly slice them using a mandoline.  Put them in a bowl and pour enough raw apple cider vinegar to cover them.  Allow them to marinate for minimum 2 hours.  Once your beets have marinated (I marinated mine for 3 1/2 hours), drain them & if you want to barely rinse them, go ahead.

Slice the fennel with the mandoline (think thin as well).  Put them in a ice water bath, then transfer them to a salad spinner to get the water out.  The ice water bath shrinks the fennel, allowing it to be crunchy.

Transfer the beets & fennel into a bowl.  Drizzle some extra virgin olive oil on top, sprinkle with salt & cubed avocados as well.  Lightly mix with your hands.  Place a portion on top of mixed salad greens.  Drizzle with a little bit more olive oil and you’re good to go.

Caramel Sauce (for a Caramel Latte)

My most favorite coffee drink is a caramel latte from Avelino.  As you watch them prepare the cup you begin to wonder if they are over doing it with the caramel.  Trust me, they’re not.  I got away with some of my favorite fellow moms back in early March, where I brought caramel sauce to make said latte for them.  Talia looking at the cup as I spooned the gooey sauce in said, “Uh, maybe a little less for me.”  I said with all courtesy & politeness (maybe a little blunt) to a pregnant lady, “No, trust me–you don’t want less.”  As I handed it to her, she said, “You’re right Kamille–this is perfect!”

I often dream of getting away in a cabin far away on days like this.  Caramel latte in one hand, good book in the other, and peace & quiet.  It could be that I’m anxiously awaiting my anniversary getaway this weekend with Ben and without the kids.  But, I think it’s a little deeper.  I’ve been very short, sarcastic, rolling the eyes due to kid annoyances, and feeling like life should stand still for me.  My tolerance level is at an all time low and my connecting with my girls seems to have fallen off the radar.  When I’ve been told about the importance of having a “daily quiet time” with God or somehow that is equated with spiritual depth–I begin to wonder how true it is.  My friend read a book recently where the author (and I paraphrase) said, “maybe we shouldn’t gauge spiritual life with daily devotion/quiet time.  Instead, when we find ourselves becoming angry, bitter, impatient, lacking grace & forgiveness–maybe those should be the signs of spiritual decay.”

My pastor mentioned something along these lines on Sunday.  How he’s definitely a proponent of reading the Bible, but we’ve met many people who read their Bible daily, yet their life lacks any evidence of it.  I’m in need of a cleanse.  My soul is stagnant waters in a cesspool right now.  It’s on days like today that I’m reminded the most important job I could do is give my girls as many hugs & speak life-giving words to them.  It’s not about the laundry getting done, the ratio of carbs & proteins on their lunch plates, or hurrying them off to bed to be partly done with the day.  And I need more than myself to do that job.  Yes a break this weekend is nice, but I’m running on empty right now.  So how are you?  How do you refuel, in order to do better than “just make it” to the weekend?  I’m grateful to you, who allow me to open up my heart & mind on days like this.

Caramel Sauce & Latte (printable recipe)

This recipe is from Fine Cooking Winter 2004 issue.  I cook mine in my dutch oven to ensure it doesn’t burn.  Making caramel is more about color and temperature than about time.  The original recipe says it takes “about” 28 minutes to get to the right color.  But, what you need to do is stay right by the stove while it cooks, because it can go from just ready to burnt in no time.  Make this when you have peace & quiet without disturbances–you’ll feel better when you’re licking the spoon and no one is watching.

Ingredients:

1 cup water, plus more for brushing down sugar crystals

4 cups granulated sugar

2 Tb light corn syrup

4 cups (1 quart) heavy whipping cream, at room temperature

4 ounces (1/2 cup, 1 stick) unsalted butter, softened and cut into pieces

1/2-1 tsp sea salt

Directions: Have your cream & butter ready.  Pour some water into a small bowl and a pastry brush to set aside the stove for brushing down sugar crystals.  Pour 1 cup water into a heavy-bottom pot (8 quart or dutch oven).  Add sugar & corn syrup.  Cook over high heat, stirring often with a wooden spoon, until sugar has dissolved and the mixture is boiling.  If you see any sugar crystals forming on the sides of the pot, just above the sugar mixture, wipe down with wet pastry brush.

Reduce the heat to maintain a gentle boil; it shouldn’t be sputtering.  DO NOT STIR it any longer.  Simply allow the sugar to cook.  You will need to gently swirl the pan to disperse the sugars & even out the color.  Continuing wiping down the sides if sugar crystals form and allowing the sugar to reach a light honey color, this should take roughly 20 minutes.  Continue with the swirling & wiping of the pastry brush, and the sugar should become a rich, red-brown color, roughly an additional 8 minutes.  The best way to tell what color the sugar is is to spoon a bit on a white dish.

Remove pot from heat and slowly pour in the cream, but be careful while pouring as it will splatter.  Stir with a wooden spoon, making sure any solidified caramel on the bottom or sides melts.  If it’s not melting, you can set it over medium heat again & gently stir until it is completely smooth.

Stir in the butter and salt.  Let cool to room temperature. If you want flavored caramel sauce, look below.

Put in a jar and refrigerate.  Will keep about 3-4 weeks in the fridge–perfect to give some away.

Caramel Latte

To make a double tall caramel latte, steam 8 ounces milk, two shots espresso & about 3 Tb of caramel sauce.  Put caramel in bottom of mug.  Add hot shots and stir to thoroughly combine.  Add your frothy & creamy steamed milk and you have yourself “paradise in a cup.”

Orange-Cardamom Caramel Sauce:

In a small saucepan, combine 1 1/2 cups fresh orange juices with 2 Tb plus 2 tsp finely grated orange zest, bring to a boil, and cook until reduced to about 1/2 cup.  Pour through a fine sieve, pressing against the zest to release all the liquid.  Stir the strained, reduced orange juice and 4 tsp ground cardamom into the cooled caramel sauce.

Rustic Rhubarb Cake

Although I promise to give you a recipe, allow me to ramble a bit.  About the weather, glories, & redeeming the times (and later some rhubarb cake).  I’ve been loving this weather we’ve been given in Bellingham of late.  It makes being a mama so worth it, along with the dreary months in winter.  The sun in full swing, slight breeze, dirt-painted toes in sandals, happy little girls in search of flowers or climbing towers too high for their hands to reach–blissful.  The backdoor is open, while the girls run in and out.

It’s days like this that I’m reminded of how glorious creation is & my homebody nature sheds off.  I become more aware of the little things, birds singing, breeze wisps my hair, the hues of golden & red in my youngest hair.  It’s lovely! It reminds me of how grand the universe is and how little I am. This is a verse from the song, ‘Lovely,’ by the band Waterdeep:

Lord when you sing your song

all of creation will know

Lord when you show your strength

let justice and righteousness flow

when we see your holiness

every tongue confess–You are lovely

God continues to bring me back to him, while he tells me I’m valued, treasured, & I can feel free to cry or laugh in his presence.  I hear the birds singing praise.  The trees lifting their hands to worship. And feel the breeze dance over me, enrapturing all of me–hushing the fear & empowering the dreams–his Spirit.  Today I’m melancholy with joy.  Maybe it’s hormones.  Although I’m breathing in the beauty of the day, I’m exhaling like an asthma sufferer.  My heart is thinking of the marriages dying in this world, the mother who cannot feed her children, the very real fear of war standing outside the door.  And then, I glanced and saw this verse popping out:

He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; he will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them.  he feels pity for the weak and the needy, and he will rescue them.  he will redeem them from oppression and violence, for their lives are precious to him.–Psalm 72:12-14

No matter how much I can get sucked into the pit of despair (for myself or others), I have to remind myself of this verse.  It’s when life can’t seem to get any worse–it does, but I remember telling Ben in the midst of one of those moments, “I have to remain hopeful, because Jesus still sits on the throne & he’s capable of redeeming the least hopeful of situations or people.”  So maybe you’re having a melancholy day, or a simply wonderful, singing on mountaintops sort of day.  You could easily make this cake.  It’s one of those “one-bowl” wonders sort of cakes.  Plus, you could pass it as breakfast too.

Rustic Rhubarb Cake (printable recipe)

This recipe was given to me many years ago, but I am greatly indebted to the source.  I turn on the oven, spray my pan, & throw everything in the bowl to mix & pour into the pan.  I’ve changed some things up a bit.  I used Rapadura sugar, but you could use granulated sugar.  Instead of hazelnuts, change it out with what you have.  And instead of using whole wheat pastry flour, use all-purpose.

Ingredients

2 cups chopped rhubarb

1 cup whipping cream

1 cup Rapadura sugar

1 large egg

1 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp kosher salt

For Topping:

1/2 – 3/4 cup brown sugar

3/4 cup chopped hazelnuts

Directions: Preheat oven to 350.  Spray a 9×13 pan.  In a medium bowl, combine cream, eggs & sugar and mix to combine.  Add flour, baking soda, salt & rhubarb to the bowl and stir until combined.  Pour into prepared pan.

Sprinkle with brown sugar and then the hazelnuts.  Bake for 28-30 minutes.  If you’re using Rapadura sugar, then you’ll really start to smell it at which point use a toothpick to check to see if it’s done.  If a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean–take it out.

Serve it warm, room temperature, dollop of whipped cream, yogurt, for brunch, ice cream–whatever you fancy.

Local, Seasonality, Farmer’s Markets

I don’t know what it’s like in your neck of the woods, but here in Bellingham, many people within the community adhere to a buy local, seasonal, fresh food, know the source of your food, truly organic & natural sort of lifestyle.  I’ve mentioned here & here about the book Animal Vegetable Miracle, which is both inspiring & thought provoking when it comes to eating seasonally & locally.  It wasn’t until recently that I actually watched Food Inc.  I know, I know–I figured I knew the jist of it & had read other books about the subject, so I wasn’t in any rush to watch it.  Plus, it’s one of those films that you really need to be in the right mindset to sit down to watch.  And in case you’re not much of a reader, or in general you haven’t viewed it yet–then please do. I think it will make you question the sources of your food & what you can do about providing yourself, your family & others with truly good food.

Food Inc Poster

I wouldn’t call myself an animal rights activist and I’m definitely not just an herbivore.  However, I think over the years in reading Genesis & seeing one of God’s commands to Adam & Eve was being a steward of the Earth–it’s about treating the source of our food well.  In looking at the Israelite tradition of sacrificing an animal, they were given specific instructions from God on how to be humane about the kill & use the whole animal (meaning they did not let this animal die for nothing & throw away the animal’s meat).  Well, after viewing Food Inc. I wasn’t comfortable seeing how the chickens, pigs, & cattle were treated, in order to give food to the masses.  It was as though sanctity of life was thrown to the wind.  The chickens were bred to get fat more quickly than is actually right, in order to produce more chickens in less amount of time.  Meanwhile, these overstuffed birds are too big to walk more than a couple steps.

But the part that hit me the most as a mom was seeing a mom who’s son died after eating a burger on a family vacation, due to e.coli found in the meat.  Her son, Kevin, was around the same age as my oldest.  It made me think of stopping eating fast food in general, where I’m getting my meat sources, & how much would it cost to get meat sources from local families/businesses.

On Meat: I know that when you look at grass-fed beef, open-range/pastured chicken & eggs, & pork–it can get rather expensive.  At least upfront costs are much more expensive.  However, if you take seriously the command in the garden to be stewards of the Earth and look at factory-raised chicken going for $4.00 for a whole broiler–they aren’t factoring in:

  1. environmental impact
  2. health implications upon the consumer
  3. the farming practices of raising the chicken
  4. the money going back into the community you live

I’m sure there are other hidden cost factors that I haven’t mentioned as well.  One option is searching your farmer’s market, 4-H, or internet for local resources of buying a share of a beef cattle, pork, broiler chickens & turkeys.  You can typically buy a quarter, half or whole beef cattle & pork, while buying the whole chicken or turkey.  As for the beef & pork, it is cheaper to buy the whole versus the quarter.  In which case, you could go in with another family (or more).  Check out Eat Wild to find out what is available near your home.

Pastured eggs

On Eggs: Our family probably goes through two – three dozen eggs a week.  We don’t buy as much meat, so I make up in the protein department with eggs.  My oldest absolutely loves them and I’m happy both my girls are runny yolk lovers (is there anything better?).  If you are fortunate to raise your own hens to get eggs–well more power to you.  Here are a couple things to note about egg terminology:

  1. Just because it says “Organic,” does not imply that the hens are free roaming, or even see daylight.  It’s unfortunate to see how this word is more of a marketing plow than standing for the spirit of the word.
  2. Cage-free does not mean the hens are free roaming either.  Nor does it mean they see daylight, get outdoors–it simply means they don’t live in a “cage.”
  3. Free-Range, you would think this would mean the hens are free roaming; however, it’s not necessarily true.  Some just might; but, it is more along the lines of the hens living in a barn with the doors open to a limited bit of outdoor space.  This does mean they get to go out; yet, it could also mean the door is only open at certain times, which limits their intake of bugs & insects to enrich the yolk.  This could also mean that they are in a caged area outside to protect them from predators.
  4. Pastured eggs means the farmer allows the chicken to be outside everyday.  You would have to ask the farmer as to how long they are outside.  The hens eat earthworms, bugs, & other protein enriching critters, which enriches their eggs.  For more info on pastured eggs, go here.

The right is pastered egg

I bought two dozen eggs at the Farmers Market this Saturday.  Today I poached eggs for breakfast and the yolk was totally superior to the other types of eggs I have bought in the past.  It was a bright orange color, while other eggs have been a pale yellow.  One thing I do know is how much more expensive it can be to buy pastured eggs versus factory farmed eggs (sometimes a $3.00 difference).  Here are pastured egg farms in Whatcom County:

On Local & Seasonality:  I really do delight in going to the Farmers Market in Bellingham.  It’s more than just vegetables, artisans, farmers, etc.  It’s the experience.  I have a bit of a ritual in going with my three year old.  We both have our baskets and I look at what is available (in season), while seeing what I actually need in our house.  If you are one who is an aesthetic, than know that you can only use a fraction of what you buy.  I can easily get overwhelmed by the peak of the season availability.

We buy a $1.00 brown sugar shortbread cut out cookie with icing on top from Mt. Bakery about midway through the trip.  We check out what single flower we can get (or find on the ground).  And then, I want to get vegetables that will be out of season before I know it and savor it.  I have been only buying a small portion, in order to spend my money on the best of the best.  Asparagus for instance.  It only has about a 5-6 week window, so we get it.  Eggs are always used in our house, so I buy two dozen.  When strawberries become available, that will be on my list.  I’ve been thinking a lot about eating the fruit & vegetables when they are available and having it constantly in our home while we can.  There is such a difference from eating strawberries farm-direct in June versus ones shipped from Mexico in February.  This is what I’ve been trying to do in our family.

However, is that to say we haven’t eaten strawberries from California recently?  No.  I guess I just don’t make a habit out of it, but I do buy them when my three year old puts them in her little “customer-in-training” cart.  Because I value her want & need to be my helper at the grocery store.

We have used a produce delivery service, Dandelion Organic, which I have been very pleased with.  I have chosen a delivery every other week.  They have a personal bin & a harvest bin.  We get the personal bin and it’s full of organic produce.  They give a list of recipes, in case you don’t know what do with sunchokes, kale raab, or beets.  I have been getting this delivery for over a year now & I’ve been impressed with them a lot.  I might be ending our delivery for a while, because I am wanting to get a CSA instead.

CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture.  It is basically buying a share of the farm.  There are variations as to how much you want to buy, how long you want it to extend to, and if you want to add extras.  Here are some CSA options in Whatcom County:

  1. Holistic Homestead
  2. Cedarville Farm
  3. Alpenhorn Farm
  4. F.A. Farm
  5. Bellingham Country Gardens

You can go to Community Food Co-op for a complete listing, as some do not have a website, but have information on their farm.

This whole eating healthy, living in an economically unstable environment, making ends meat is a tough paradigm to live under.  My friend Hilary said to me a while back about her friend saying, “Well, buying organic or locally is a nice idea, but not everyone can afford to do that.”  She replied, “Yeah, I know, but maybe it’s up to those of us who can, in order to bring the costs down.”  That has got me thinking about what is my role in this Slowfood/buy local/in season/organic movement.  What do I compromise and what do I not?  Do I buy pastured eggs, but not organic milk?  Do I buy grass-fed beef, while not caring as much about organic produce?  It is hard to draw a line.

What I do know is I am called to be a steward of the Earth.  There are many non-Christ followers doing a better job at this than Christ followers, and that’s a shame when given the Genesis story of the creation.  I’ve seen many blogs devoted to eating this way (Christian and non) and I cannot help but think, how do they afford it?  What is unreasonable & reasonable when it comes to buying food?  Considering your family budget, do you think buying organic or grass-fed or pastured meat is even an option?  How have you made it work?  Do you do most of the preparation of your food–how much time does that take you?  Please add to the discussion.

What if it’s not about you?

I wrote on my spiritual journey about the process of forgiveness, the road of grace & holiness.  I was just reading this & this today about Isaiah 6 & the unforgiving servant, which I wrote about earlier in the month.  The first post was talking about praying for our enemies, while the second one retold the story of Matthew 18:21-35.  Both go hand in hand revolving around this word we call mercy.

In our world of seeking justice, righting wrong with a slap back, cheering the protagonist on toward triumph in their plot against the antagonist, it’s no wonder we truly have no idea what mercy is really about.

Most of us don’t live on the front lines of hell, where true dictators are oppressing us & taking away our human dignity & happiness.  If you’re a church goer, you probably haven’t heard a congregational reading of Psalm 137 recently (or at all for that matter).  The psalmist is speaking of the oppressors who have come in and dashed their babies against rocks, killing them and they want justice in return.  It’s too easy to think that praying for our enemies only comes in these traumatic forms.  Or that enemy is the vilified stepparent, corporate bureaucrat, or conniving thief.  Yet, for the most part it’s not.

Jesus simply said this,

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Sometimes an enemy is someone we love, but don’t respect.  Most times it’s someone who was put in a position to guard us, love us, and look after our well-being; but, they have scarred us, wounded us, and broken our trust.  The very people who some find easy to love is the very person others deem as enemy.  It could be a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a trusted adviser, teacher or friend.  For me, my enemies come in the form of people I have esteemed and loved dearly at one point, which makes it that much harder to love & show mercy.  Because they are the people who have turned on me in one form or another.

Yet today as I was thinking about one of my “enemies” and how much anger can rise up at them.  Jesus’ words remind me to pray for them.  Not because I pray words of justice to pour upon them like the unmerciful servant.  No, that would be accepting grace & mercy from the judge for myself, while calling for the law to be thrown upon them.  Instead, I pray that mercy & kindness would be poured out on them.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. –Matthew 5:7 & 8

I realized that in order to understand mercy, I have to give it.  And in order to see God, my arteries can’t be clogged with revenge & self advancement.  And maybe, just maybe, forgiveness really isn’t about me & my issues, but more about cutting the anchor of narcissism and showing God’s glory to advance his goodness, grace, mercy & love.  How much more freeing would our relationships & world be if we were able to free others from their debt “owed us?”

This cutting of the anchor, praying for our enemy business isn’t easy, but so freeing.  As I have chosen to “cut” (forgive) the anchor, I have seen how my heart for my enemy turns to genuine love & compassion.  I want what’s truly best for them.  I begin to see them as the person God does.  However, there are those days or weeks where the past creeps in and I begin to feel anything but love towards them.  It’s like exercising & good nutrition–it’s ongoing.  You can’t expect to stay fit & healthy by only exercising & eating well for two months out of the year.  So how do you exercise the health of your soul?  How do these words of Jesus in the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ pertain to your current situation of blessing those who curse you & forgiving your enemies?  What is your story of cutting the anchor to further God’s glory?

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…Do to others as you would have them do to you…If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that…But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.  Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”–Luke 6:27-37

Bursting with Delight Cookies

Not only are these cookies bursting with delight, but I have been reflecting upon this notion as I await what the Christian world calls “Holy Week” or “Passion Week.”  As my girls took their nap today, I was folding laundry listening to the song, ‘O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus.’  One of the lines says, “How he loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore…how for them he intercedeth.”  I was struck by how great his love is for me.  When I was a little girl I would stand up on mall benches and sing “Jesus Loves Me.”  When people would ask me why I believed in Jesus, I would respond with, “why wouldn’t I (this at a very young age).”

I think it’s because I was drawn to Jesus’ incredible love.  I knew he was good, but not just good as in the superhero fighting the villain, it was much deeper than that.  And as my oldest is three understanding more concepts, listening to all the stories we tell her, taking initiative in conversations & thoughtfulness, I’m seeing how at such a young age–Jesus makes sense.  I was reading to her some Bible stories, very simplistic in nature, and it came to the part where Jesus was being crucified (like I said, it was simplistic, not the Passion in full swing) where she had a sadness in her eye.  I could identify with that sadness and conjure it up from when I was her age, because I like her, could see why it was so sad.  It was sad & lonely, because this person who was so incredibly good & just was being robbed of life.

But the part in which I burst forth, as did she, was when we soon realized that wasn’t the end of the story, but Jesus overcame death, bursting forth from the tomb–leaving it empty.   I could see the shadow of sadness quickly being replaced with joy & hope in my three year old’s eyes.  And as I saw in this child illustrated Bible, feet on a cross, my eyes got misty connecting with the same mourning my daughter was feeling.  But, unlike watching a fake romance movie Hollywood has portrayed giving us hope deferred & hope renewed–this is such a better love story.  This is a love story even a three year old understands to be true & wholeheartedly genuine.

And even though we rarely think about feasting upon cookies during this season of Lent (most people giving them up), I do offer you a burst of delight upon your senses (not that I think these compare to the Easter story at all).  I made these cookies for my mom getaway a couple weeks back and I find they have a wonderful marriage with sour, freshness of the lime, the creamy depth of the cream cheese, the buttery, saltiness of the caramel and the crunch & melding of it all with the macadamia nuts.  I like how the flavors blend, some pack more of a punch, while others leave a nice undertone on in your mouth.

I think that’s why I find these cookies applicable with this post–it’s about awakening the senses.  So as you might read the Passion story for the first time or the 70th time, notice how much of the story deals with smell, touch, taste, sight, & sound.  How Jesus reached us with our senses.  How the Lenten season is typically about denying the senses, yet as Jesus burst forth from the tomb on Easter morning–we burst forth in celebration with him to feast in a hope no longer deferred.

Burst Delights (printable recipe)

I used my Orange Cardamom Cookies as the base for these Lime-Cream Cheese-Macadamia Nut-Caramel Cookies.

Ingredients:

  • 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons lime zest
  • 1/4 cup macadamia nuts, measure out 1/4 cup and finely chop it up
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 sticks (1/2 pound) unsalted butter, softened
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1 large egg yolk
  • 2 tablespoons heavy cream
  • 1 lime for juice

Cream Cheese-Caramel Icing

  • 1/3 – 1/2 cup whipped cream cheese
  • 1/4 cup homemade caramel sauce (or store bought)
  • splash of lime oil essence (or extract)
  • 2 teaspoons lime zest

Make dough:
Whisk together flour, zest, 3 Tb. finely ground macadamia nuts, and salt.

Beat butter and sugar with an electric mixer until pale and fluffy, then beat in yolk and cream. At low speed, mix in flour mixture in 3 batches just until a dough forms. Put the dough on parchment paper.

Mound the dough together and roll into a log. Once you get a basic log shape, position the dough in the middle of the parchment. Then, take the parchment that’s north of the dough and cover it over the dough. Take a bench scraper and push the edge of it at the base of the parchment covered dough, trying to make a concentric log. Roll the log so the parchment covers the whole thing and twist the edges. Refrigerate for 3 hours to overnight (if you want to speed the process, then place in freezer for about 30 minutes to 1 hour).

Cut and bake cookies:
Preheat oven to 350°F with rack in middle.

Remove firm dough. Unroll the parchment so the dough is still sitting on top of the paper. Place on a cutting board. Cut the dough into 1/8 inch. Transfer cookies to a parchment-lined large baking sheet, arranging them 1 inch apart.

Bake until edges are golden-brown, 12-15 minutes. While the cookies are still warm, slice the zested lime in half and squeeze the juice over the cookies.  The cookies will absorb the juice and give the cookies that great lime kick.  Cool on baking sheet and arrange with below directions.

Make Icing:

Put the whipped cream cheese in a small bowl and add 1 Tb of caramel sauce at a time.  Mixing to get a balance of caramel & cream cheese.  Then add some lime essence, just a splash.  You want to have a balance of the flavors.  Not too much of the lime, but enough to have it stand out.

Putting them together:

With a spoon, put about 1/2 teaspoon icing on each cookie & swirl around.  Drizzle caramel over the cookies with a fork or spoon.  Sprinkle with remaining chopped macadamia nut & lime zest.

New Beginnings & Chockful Blondies

Thursday morning is playgroup morning in our house.  It typically goes like this,

  1. 7:00: Have Sweetpea go to the bathroom, change Tayers diaper, and try to allow Sweetpea the freedom a three year old needs in their independence of “I wanna do it.”
  2. 7:30: (takes that long because of the independence & finally asking for help) Go downstairs get milk for both girls, pick up Tayers because she needs her morning snuggles, start on breakfast.
  3. 7:45: Girls are at the table eating and I’m trying to make a cup of coffee.
  4. 8:15-8:30: We’re finally done with breakfast and clean up ensues.
  5. 8:45: change Tayers again and debate whether she will only have one nap that day, if two, hurry and put her to bed
  6. 9:00-9:15: clean up dishes, tell Sweetpea that I need a shower while she stays on the main floor dancing around imagining her life if she lived in Strawberryland.
  7. 9:45: I’m ready, but trying to get the girls ready (once again dependent upon Tayers nap).  Get snacks together
  8. 10:15: somehow between 9:30 and 10:15 I have no idea where 45 minutes went, so I give into any expectation of getting to playgroup at 10:00.
  9. 10:20ish: We finally make it to playgroup

That’s typical Thursday morning; however, Tayers slept much longer and I was very casual & laid back letting go of any expectation I had on myself or my girls.  And although we were an hour late upon arrival, I find that I am a better mama for it.  So as we were pulling out onto the main road around 11:00 I was reflecting upon my day yesterday.  If you were to have called me or unexpectedly dropped by for a visit around 1:00 yesterday, I would have met you in tears.  It was one of those afternoons where I was finding myself to be short with my girls, missing connection times with my oldest, and feeling altogether crummy.  The feeling which crept up was “these girls would be better off without me.”  Of course, I know that’s not true, but we have these days.

All I could see were my failures, my areas of weakness and everything I lacked.  It’s hard to get over these moments, because even though I know I’m forgiven when I ask for it–it still doesn’t erase guilt right away.  But this morning pulling out onto the main road I was thinking about what I had read about a particular mother.  She would normally overreact to her three and a half year old’s behavior or shenanigans, but she was implementing different behavior patterns for herself, choosing to act and not react and to live with the end in mind.  This made me realize that there are many times when I have overreacted as a mama and I can recall many instances I’m not proud of, but it doesn’t relegate me to being that person forever.  As it says in the Bible, “his mercies are new every morning.”  That’s relieving for me to not just know, but realize it and apply it.

Mothering is not for the faint of heart and it is probably the most self-realization journeys I will ever walk on.  If you’re in this parenting boat, your past doesn’t dictate your future, even if you feel like the mess is too huge.  If you’re marriage is weathering hard storms, your past doesn’t dictate your future, even if you feel like the mess is too huge.  If you’re old & gray and you don’t know if it’s even worth it, your past doesn’t dictate your future, even if you feel like the mess is too huge.  No matter where you are on life’s journey, your past doesn’t dictate your future, because there is always time for a new beginning.

If you’re new beginning is getting your health life back on track, then maybe stop reading right now and go to a different site.  Because this chock full blondie is a different beginning, but one that will remind you that life is sane (in that small window of devouring them).

Chock Full Blondies (printable recipe)

Recipe is adapted from Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey. You can add different nuts.  The original recipe said to bake it for 30-35 minutes, but it took a lot longer than 35 minutes.  It was more like 45 on my oven and I have an oven thermometer.  When using a toothpick, insert it in the middle and pull it out.  If there are a couple crumbs left–that’s perfect.  You basically don’t want to pull out a toothpick with wet batter on it.

Ingredients

3 cups dark brown sugar

1 cup (8 oz) unsalted butter

4 eggs, room temperature

1 Tb vanilla extract

1 tsp salt

2 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 baking soda

1 1/2 cups almonds, toasted & coarsely chopped

1 cup white chocolate chips

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 cup sweetened flaked coconut

4 Heath or Skor bars, broken into bite-sized pieces OR a 14-oz bag of mini-heath bars

  1. Preheat oven to 350.  Spray a 9×13 inch pan with nonstick spray.  Melt butter with brown sugar over medium heat in a heavy bottom pan.  Stirring occasionally until butter is melted.  Once it’s melted, let it gently bubble for about 3 minutes.  Remove from heat.
  2. In a large bowl, combine eggs, vanilla & salt whisking them altogether and set aside.  In small bowl, combine flour & baking soda together.
  3. Once the sugar & butter mixture is cooled, add it to the egg mixture and combine.  Add the flour mixture to the wet and combine till all the flour has been thoroughly mixed in.  Add all the nuts & bolts (white chocolate chips, chocolate chips, almonds, broken toffee bars, & coconut).  Stir till combined.
  4. Pour into greased pan and cook for 40-50 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out relatively clean.  Cool on a wire rack and cut into however big slices you would like.