My Journey & Story – Page 6 – Backdoor Hospitality

Roasted Chicken

This morning marks the beginning of week three of Lean & Green Challenge (via Jogo Crossfit Gym). I must report that the lady writing on Paleo day two is quite different from the one writing in front of the computer today. There are some areas that are still the same. For instance, walking into the grocery store and seeing the lovely pastry bat it’s eyelashes at me is a bit tempting. However, what’s most noticeable is my overall health. It’s not just physical energy, but mental energy. So when you hear that phrase, “you are what you eat;” well, I think there’s something to it. My mental state seems to be at its peak. I don’t want to attribute it all to how I’m eating, but I truly believe what I’m putting in is making a difference to thinking more clearly.

It’s interesting when you think of the various methods people deal with stress & anxiety. There are those that I know who attempt to drown out the noises by numbing the pain with drugs. I’ve always thought, “well, at least I don’t do that,” but there is something to be said about what I have used to numb the pain. I never thought I used food as a “way out,” but on Saturday, it seemed like the advise I had given my friend of being mindful, drinking some tea, etc, didn’t cut it. As I’ve briefly mentioned before here, we’ve dealt with various difficulties with our oldest. In front of her, there are many obstacles (in terms of developmental delays) most of which, she has no idea; however, as her mama, I’m fully aware of them. On Saturday we received a letter from a visit we had with a genetic researcher/doctor. It didn’t leave me with warm fuzzies either, but more of that pit feeling. You know the pit. It appears to be an unconquerable wall standing in front of you, and if you look at this way, then that’s what it will be.

It was in that moment, as my stomach turned with that unwelcome old friend “anxiety,” that I wanted a mocha, or something sweet to deal with that moment. But alas, I knew it was my will versus the wall, and I wasn’t going to let it conquer me. It didn’t and I found that my soul needed time to be creative. To let out tears of the unknown, talk with God about it, paint (something I haven’t done in a while) and create, and I found my soul (and stomach) was the better for it. I’m learning a lot about myself (and my jeans have also noticed–in a good way). One of those things is my renewed love of cooking, while baking takes a backseat. This roasted chicken is one of them. It will definitely earn you a couple of “ooos” & “awws” in the kitchen, while not taking much time standing in the kitchen. Again, thanks for reading and sharing with me in this journey. I’m certain that I’m not the only one with that unconquerable wall staring at me, but I’m certain you too can conquer it.

A Year Ago: Traditions

Roasted Chicken (printable recipe)

I love roasted chicken, because it appears that you’ve been slaving in the kitchen much longer than you actually did. Plus, take the carcass and turn it into chicken broth.

Ingredients:

1 whole chicken
sea salt
freshly ground pepper
bundle of fresh thyme
coconut oil
3 strips quality bacon

Directions:
Preheat oven to 425. Have ready a dutch oven. Take your chicken and remove all the insides, clip any nails still attached and rinse with cool water. Pat dry the outside & inside of the bird. Be generous in sprinkling salt inside the cavity of the bird, along with ground pepper. Rub coconut oil on the outside of the bird on the breasts, along with under the breast skin. Sprinkle salt & pepper under the breast skin & on top of the breast.

Put the bundle of thyme inside the cavity. Place your whole bird in the dutch oven. By using a dutch oven, you will not have to deal with trussing the chicken. Take the wings and tuck them behind the back of the chicken. Now with a pair of kitchen shears, snip an opening on the fat portion near the birds downside (butt) on both sides, in order to tuck the drumstick ends through the holes (consult picture).

Place the three strips of bacon across the breast and put into the oven, cook for 20-25 minutes. After 20-25 minutes, remove the bacon and turn down the heat to 350. Baste the chicken. Cook for an additional 25-35 minutes, or until a meat thermometer registers 165 (poke it between the drumstick & breast).

Once it hits 165, remove from oven. If you want to make gravy using the drippings go ahead. Serve it up & enjoy. Be sure to use the carcass for some great stock.

Paleo Day 3: Hazelnut Butter & Apple Slices

I made a Greek salad tonight for dinner (without that salty addition known as feta) with leftover pistachio crusted salmon, but the food I enjoyed the most was a small amount of hazelnut butter with a couple of apple slices. No picture, just get some hazelnut butter & cut up some apples, not too difficult–right!

While we’re on the topic of food (yes I have been dreaming about it lately)…I began thinking today, just prior to putting my girls to bed, how I would be watching Top Chef: Just Desserts tonight. Sounds pretty horrible, considering everything they make on the show I cannot eat; however, what was worst for me was the reality that I couldn’t even have a little chocolate while watching. But really, what was worst for me was the reality of how often I associate food with good times. I don’t think that’s always a bad thing, because I mean–didn’t Jesus perform his first miracle at a feast making wine. There is something to be said about a time of feasting, but what I realized is how often I add in “little feasts” everyday in my life.

When the girls go down for a nap I have the option of making an Americano or even a latte. I’m going to a conference this weekend with two friends, which means no partaking in any sweet treats, or a mocha on the drive to Seattle. My life (and most of ours) revolves around communing with food. Then, what got me thinking about this whole Paleo lifestyle is all the cookbooks I own and recipes left untouched. I began wondering, “Wow, what do I live for?” So many moments in my life are about feasting, indulging or treating self, but what about restraint? That’s a harder one. Granted, I’m in the thick of it and I just might feel different in two weeks (remind me of that when I get there, because I will see this to completion). How do we use food to bring people together, to feast, to abstain & nourish? How do you do it?

A Year Ago: Community Meals

Paleo Day 2: Spinach Salad with sauteed shiitakes & subdued garlic

If only garlic started with an “S” then I’d have won for alliteration. It’s only day two and at this rate, not sure if posting everyday for the next 28 days is possible; however, let’s give it a shot (not going to try too many firsts here). Last Wednesday at my little gym, my coach Emilie led the “chalktalk” on this upcoming “Lean & Green Challenge,” where she laid out the ground rules, fears & ideas to rally the troops in to complete the mission. Challenge: “no grains, dairy, sugars, legumes for 30 days.” Well, that’s not TOO bad–right?!

But it got me thinking about the various people who have gone Paleo and never looked back. Their phrases were sung to the melody of “the hills are alive.” And the thing is, they didn’t have those looks that you can easily call out in a crowd as a bluff. They really were holding an ace high straight flush and want to lead as many people to the goods who will willingly follow. So, just in case you’re not following, after the 30 days, they didn’t want to go back. They didn’t want to go back to gluten-filled goodness, rice cakes (oops how did that get there), cream in their coffee, or a place where the beer flows like wine. Mostly, people didn’t want to go back to the gluten, because it affected their systems; however, seeing as half of my recipes here consist of that little beauty–I can’t help but get a little sad. To think of Christmas without having Vetekrans, a blustery Autumn weekend having Pumpkin Pecan Scones, or enjoying a getaway with my friends with Homemade Oreos. Seriously, never again (insert sad face).

As for day two–it’s close to over and I should be reporting to sleep duty. What I do know is this morning Ben did wake up to “nutty wife syndrome” (didn’t say it wasn’t coming), tonight was easier than last, and maybe, just maybe I won’t miss all of the said above items and long for this simple Spinach Salad (one can dream right). Sweet dreams friends!

A Year Ago: Pear, Apple, Cranberry Crisp

Spinach Salad with sautéed Shiitakes & Subdued Garlic (printable recipe)

Ingredients:

A whole bunch of washed, dried spinach (preferably pre-washed)

8 oz shiitake mushrooms, stems cut off and sliced

1-2 Tb almond oil

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 Tb olive oil

salt

1/2 red onion, thinly sliced

freshly ground pepper

Directions: In a large bowl, put your spinach in it. In a medium saute pan and on medium heat, heat almond oil. Add the mushrooms and stir occasionally. Once they have gotten nice & sautéed, then add a pinch of salt. Put sautéed mushrooms atop the spinach.

With the same pan, add the olive oil (on medium-low heat) and add your minced garlic. Stir around and keep all the garlic simmering in the oil. You DO NOT want it to brown. Your simply simmering out the garlic to soften both texture & flavor (1 -1 1/2 minutes). Add a pinch of salt to garlic. Empty onto the mushroom & spinach.

Spread out the thinly sliced mushrooms atop. Drizzle a bit more olive oil (not too much) & grind some pepper.

Paleo Day 1: Pistachio Crusted Salmon

Before we had children, I participated in the South Beach diet with Ben. The premise is removing grains, some fruit carbs, white potatoes & sugars. You take everything out the first two weeks, then add in some other items the third week. I’m not really one for going on diets, but I was game for this one for Ben’s sake (not his Lemonade Cleanse though). The first day was fine. I had eggs, some veggies, and probably chicken for dinner. The next day took a turn for the worse. This is where that little old friend called “drama” sneaks its way into my head and clouds any clarity or logic.

I called up Ben sobbing the second morning saying something along the lines, “I can’t do it. If I eat eggs I’m going to puke. Seriously, I can’t do this anymore–what can I eat? I can’t…” Drama is my middle name and I will never live this down, as Ben has already said today that he is expecting a call tomorrow with “nutty wife syndrome.”

Today hasn’t been too bad of day one Paleo. The hardest is when there are multiple child meltdowns, the comfort of an Americano with cream or a latte is not an option, while I keep pressing on towards the goal. Reminds me of the Apostle Paul, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Granted, Paul was talking about something a bit different from restraining oneself from sugars, grains & dairy; but, I think it’s the connection of seeing the end goal (whatever it might be). Right now I’m choosing to embrace this challenge (hopefully without so much drama like before) and I think tonight’s dinner proved a gold.

Pistachio Crusted Salmon with sautéed Shallot & Fennel (printable recipe)

Ingredients:

2 lbs Coho Salmon

mustard

2 cups shelled pistachios

sea salt & ground pepper

4 Tb olive oil

2 shallots, thinly sliced

1 fennel bulb, thinly sliced

Directions: Preheat oven to 375. Line baking sheet with parchment paper. Ground pistachios in food processor until nicely ground. Put your salmon skin side down. Sprinkle with salt & pepper. Put a thin layer of mustard all over the salmon. Cover with ground pistachios. Bake for 15 minutes. Allow to rest for 5 minutes.

Just before the salmon is done, add olive oil to saute pan and turn to medium heat. Saute shallots, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Add the fennel and keep mixing it up a bit. It’s okay to have some of it brown & get a bit crispy on some of the pieces.

Put some of the shallot/fennel atop a good portion of pistachio salmon.

Beet Salad Done Right!!

I’ve been suffering from a bit of writer’s block. In college when it came time to write my history papers I would fumble & fumble with the introduction. And that’s how it’s been feeling when I sit down to write a new post. I can’t seem to find just the right words to begin. But, in a way, it’s exactly how life is going in the here & now. Take breakfast for instance. It’s 8:00 and I’m actually showered & ready, so breakfast should be a snap. Not quite. When I came downstairs I found my “risen bread” to be not so risen, but quite fallen. I didn’t want to waste it, so I began thinking what I could do instead.

Then, insert two little girls under the age of four asking for, “Mama, can you put Shortcake Swing on?” Me: “Yes! (still looking baffled at my dough). And since I didn’t move in .milliseconds I was asked the same question again. Then, Tayers needed her boots on like sissy. Oh, but my hands were sticky, so go and wash, help with said boots, then back to dou…oh wait, there’s dirt all over the floor. Find broom. Another question asked of me. Me wondering if I had something I was doing in the kitchen. By the time I got back the dough was sticking to the board. Eventually, I made a sad excuse for a breakfast pizza (eggs cooking on top, dough a bit soggy [because it was intended for bread in the first place]); however, the girls didn’t seem to mind.

Oh, what I also forgot to mention was the time when we finally ate…oh about 9:15. Because what ensued from the time I started to the time I finished, well, I have no clue at this point in the afternoon. I do know that I lost my marbles at one time with a bit more boisterous mama (some call it shouting) saying, “I need to think! Out of the kitchen…get out of the kitchen!” I think I was the one who needed an immediate time out and my apologies & reminding myself in front of the girls how we are to “use our words.” That’s what my introductions to posts feel like. My life at present is like the first time I learned to drive stick, a whole bunch of jerking stops not knowing how (or if I should) to begin again.

But you know, I find a bit of solace amidst of all this (granted, it’s almost 8 hours later). As I was picking up the toys, hats, shoes from the floor for the umpteenth time I thought of the people without kids (whether it be the barren, the empty nester, etc) and how this mere “inconvenience” is full of life. Our home is full of non-stop chatting, laughter, cries, music, movement & breaths. The silence is more than appreciated & needed, but there’s something about that little voice after nap, which gladly says, “Hi Mama!” There’s something about it all that I wish I could stuff it into a bottle so it never fades. It’s contentment in these little things, that makes a Monday feel like a Friday. This little salad does just that. The acidity from the marinated beets, sweet licorice blend from the fennel, and the creaminess from the avocado. You could eat it by itself or put it on top of salad greens.

A Year Ago: Superlative Chocolate Chip Cookies & Cabbage-Apple Salad

Beet, Fennel, & Avocado Salad

This salad can be eaten without salad greens, or with. I found a good washed kind from my Farmer’s Market (had kale, mustard greens, herbs, bibb lettuce). Be sure you don’t throw out your beet greens. You can either saute them up with a little minced garlic, olive oil & salt for later. Or, chop them up to use as part of your salad greens for this here salad.

(printable recipe)

Ingredients:

1 bunch of beets (if you can get a variety sold at a Farmer’s Market–that would be optimal)

4-5 small fennel bulbs (or 2 big ones)

2 ripe avocados

Raw Apple Cider Vinegar

Kosher Salt or Sea Salt

Olive oil

Mixed Greens

Directions: Chop the beet greens off (save them for later use by steaming or cut up & put as part of your salad). Scrub the beets, but no need to peel them. Thinly slice them using a mandoline. Put them in a bowl and pour enough raw apple cider vinegar to cover them. Allow them to marinate for minimum 2 hours. Once your beets have marinated (I marinated mine for 3 1/2 hours), drain them & if you want to barely rinse them, go ahead.

Slice the fennel with the mandoline (think thin as well). Put them in a ice water bath, then transfer them to a salad spinner to get the water out. The ice water bath shrinks the fennel, allowing it to be crunchy.

Transfer the beets & fennel into a bowl. Drizzle some extra virgin olive oil on top, sprinkle with salt & cubed avocados as well. Lightly mix with your hands. Place a portion on top of mixed salad greens. Drizzle with a little bit more olive oil and you’re good to go.

Zucchini Walnut Anise Sandwich Cookies

Before I get to these lovelies, (which I’m sure you’re dying to try) I have been reminiscing of high school gym class. Worst yet, first day of gym class as a freshman. Oh, and it’s co-ed. For me, nothing could have been worse. I wasn’t uncoordinated or even the last to be picked for teamsContinue reading “Zucchini Walnut Anise Sandwich Cookies”

Fast Fudge Cake

This morning I woke up to body aching everywhere, but don’t feel too bad on my account, because it’s due to starting a new exercise routine–not the stomach bug. Ben has been going to this little gym in town for about 4-5 months, along with my friend Jordan (who is the official unofficial recruiting agent) who encouraged him to join. As I’ve been dealing with anxiety, irritable stomach issues and most likely burnout–I felt like it was as good of a time as any to join the gym. But why so sore you ask? Well, this little gym packs quite the punch. It’s not your typical gym of doing the routinized circuit or swiping your card and heading towards the elliptical machine. It’s an all over cardio workout that relies heavily on weight-bearing activities.

Before you join you attend what they call Basecamp. It is either broken into two days or one day of 2 1/2 hours, where one of the gym’s coaches teaches you all the exercises/workouts, ensuring you learn technique. The first thing I did was jumping rope. And I thought, “jumping rope–seriously, that’s a snap.” 100 jumped ropes. What I failed to realize is that I haven’t jumped rope since I was about 10. I hit about 65 and went mental. Then, from 65 to 80, I believe I did a culmination of either hitting my own head with the rope, getting tangled in my foot, etc. Suffice to say, I was humbled. The coach said, “you’re thinking about it too much.” True! Well, that was just the beginning and we went on to doing multiple variations of squats, lifts, push-ups, pull-ups, & weight-bearing. So every single ounce of my body got worked.

My legs felt like jelly and mind you we have two flights of stairs, so walking down them feels like I’m an 85-year-old woman. It’s good though. I know it’s going to be hard, but I tell myself a couple of things to prepare myself.

1. It’s a break from being mom.

2. This too shall pass.

3. I went through labor twice without meds, so no workout could be harder than that.

4. I want something better for my life in terms of mental, emotional & physical stamina, which I want my girls to have, so I know taking time for myself in this area is critical.

I haven’t been baking lately. In part, it’s due to not having much of a sweet tooth; but, mainly I haven’t had much time or creativity lurking. This is something I made a while back, but I still remember the moistness of the cake. It’s a easy to make and honestly, if you’re pressed for time–you could add the wet ingredients in one bowl and then add the dry ingredients in with it (making it a one-bowl cake). I hope you are finding and making time for yourself.

Fast Fudge Cake (printable recipe)

This recipe is adapted from Fine Cooking magazine. I had a little ganache already made up in my fridge, so my cake had a thin glaze a top. Regardless, it turned out wonderfully and if you want to serve with just whipped cream, powdered sugar and fresh berries–it would suit it well.

Ingredients:
4 1/2 oz (1 cup) unbleached all-purpose flour
1 oz. (1/4 cup plus 2 Tb) unsweetened natural cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/4 lb (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, melted and warm
1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup hot water

Ganache:
1/2 lb bittersweet chocolate or semisweet, chopped up
1 cup heavy cream

Directions: Preheat oven to 350. Grease & flour or grease & line with parchment either an 8×2- or 9×2-inch round cake pan. Set aside.

In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda & salt. Sift only if the cocoa continues having lumps after whisking.

In a large bowl, combine the melted butter and brown sugar with a wooden spoon or spatula. Add the eggs & vanilla, stirring till combined well. Add the dry ingredients, just till moistened. Pour the hot water over the batter and stir just until it’s completely incorporated.

Scrape the batter into the prepared pan. For an 8×2-inch pan, bake 35 to 40 minutes or till a toothpick inserted comes out clean. For a 9×2-inch pan, bake for about 30 minutes, or till a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes, then run a thin knife along the edge and invert the pan onto a plate. Invert it again back onto the rack to cool completely.

Making the Ganache: Chop up your chocolate into bite sized pieces and put into a heat proof bowl and set aside. Heat up the cream over medium heat. Once it starts to boil, remove from the heat and pour over the chocolate in the bowl. Allow the cream & chocolate to sit for about 45 seconds. Whisk the chocolate & cream together until the cream is completely incorporated and the ganache is smooth & a just slightly thick.

Putting the Cake together: Once the cake is cool, put foil under the wire rack to catch any drippings from the ganache. Pour the ganache over the cake allowing it to go down the sides. You can also allow the cake cool completely cool in the pan and make half of the ganache and pour it on top while in the pan. Let the cake with ganache set for about an hour.

Rustic Rhubarb Cake

Although I promise to give you a recipe, allow me to ramble a bit. About the weather, glories, & redeeming the times (and later some rhubarb cake). I’ve been loving this weather we’ve been given in Bellingham of late. It makes being a mama so worth it, along with the dreary months in winter. The sun in full swing, slight breeze, dirt-painted toes in sandals, happy little girls in search of flowers or climbing towers too high for their hands to reach–blissful. The backdoor is open, while the girls run in and out.

It’s days like this that I’m reminded of how glorious creation is & my homebody nature sheds off. I become more aware of the little things, birds singing, breeze wisps my hair, the hues of golden & red in my youngest hair. It’s lovely! It reminds me of how grand the universe is and how little I am. This is a verse from the song, ‘Lovely,’ by the band Waterdeep:

Lord when you sing your song

all of creation will know

Lord when you show your strength

let justice and righteousness flow

when we see your holiness

every tongue confess–You are lovely

God continues to bring me back to him, while he tells me I’m valued, treasured, & I can feel free to cry or laugh in his presence. I hear the birds singing praise. The trees lifting their hands to worship. And feel the breeze dance over me, enrapturing all of me–hushing the fear & empowering the dreams–his Spirit. Today I’m melancholy with joy. Maybe it’s hormones. Although I’m breathing in the beauty of the day, I’m exhaling like an asthma sufferer. My heart is thinking of the marriages dying in this world, the mother who cannot feed her children, the very real fear of war standing outside the door. And then, I glanced and saw this verse popping out:

He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; he will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. he feels pity for the weak and the needy, and he will rescue them. he will redeem them from oppression and violence, for their lives are precious to him.–Psalm 72:12-14

No matter how much I can get sucked into the pit of despair (for myself or others), I have to remind myself of this verse. It’s when life can’t seem to get any worse–it does, but I remember telling Ben in the midst of one of those moments, “I have to remain hopeful, because Jesus still sits on the throne & he’s capable of redeeming the least hopeful of situations or people.” So maybe you’re having a melancholy day, or a simply wonderful, singing on mountaintops sort of day. You could easily make this cake. It’s one of those “one-bowl” wonders sort of cakes. Plus, you could pass it as breakfast too.

Rustic Rhubarb Cake (printable recipe)

This recipe was given to me many years ago, but I am greatly indebted to the source. I turn on the oven, spray my pan, & throw everything in the bowl to mix & pour into the pan. I’ve changed some things up a bit. I used Rapadura sugar, but you could use granulated sugar. Instead of hazelnuts, change it out with what you have. And instead of using whole wheat pastry flour, use all-purpose.

Ingredients

2 cups chopped rhubarb

1 cup whipping cream

1 cup Rapadura sugar

1 large egg

1 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp kosher salt

For Topping:

1/2 – 3/4 cup brown sugar

3/4 cup chopped hazelnuts

Directions: Preheat oven to 350. Spray a 9×13 pan. In a medium bowl, combine cream, eggs & sugar and mix to combine. Add flour, baking soda, salt & rhubarb to the bowl and stir until combined. Pour into prepared pan.

Sprinkle with brown sugar and then the hazelnuts. Bake for 28-30 minutes. If you’re using Rapadura sugar, then you’ll really start to smell it at which point use a toothpick to check to see if it’s done. If a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean–take it out.

Serve it warm, room temperature, dollop of whipped cream, yogurt, for brunch, ice cream–whatever you fancy.

Carnations

When the second Sunday of May hit, I don’t think I ever truly recognized how wonderful this day should be for my mother. We would go to Sunday service where it seemed every year Mrs. McCloud would lead us kids through the making of the tissue carnation scented with some perfume to give to our mothers. I would proudly give my mom the special carnation, while just moments before sitting in the service (pre-sermon) receiving real carnations. They had white ones, red ones, & pink ones.

Now, it just so happens that my mom’s favorite flower is a carnation. Nothing spectacular about the carnation really, but seems fitting that on Mother’s Day, she was guaranteed to get at least one real one and 2-3 tissue ones. The red carnation was for the women who held the long-honored job as mama. The pink carnation was for those who’s mother was living & celebrate her. While the white, was for the people who have lost their mother–to honor them & recognize the mourning which comes for those who don’t get celebrate that special woman.

My Grandma Cox, brother & me

On the way to church service today, with my two girls in the back, me actually dressed nice & Ben (the best husband & father I could ask for), I began to ponder what it would be like to hold that white carnation on a day like this.

I spoke to Ben about my Grandma Cox. She died at a very early age to cancer. When I was a kid (and even a teenager), I never truly grasped how death robbed her in her young age. For me, 57 seemed old. My mom was 31 when my Grandma died. I’m 30 and I cannot imagine my mom not being here the same time next year. There was my mom, holding that white carnation & red carnation at 32–bittersweet.

I’m thankful I have no white carnations in my bouquet. I’m thankful to be a mama, which I take for granted as many women long for this prized gift, yet have not seen their hope fulfilled. I’m especially thankful & grateful for my mom & my mother-in-law, Cherie.

My mother-in-law, Cherie, Me, & father-in-law, Steve

My mother-in-law, Cherie is certainly the best second mom I could ask for. Ben takes after his mom with her quiet demeanor and steady/patient love. She has always welcomed me into their home. One thing I love about her is how important sending cards in the mail is to her. That’s part of her welcoming me in & making sure I’m cared for. There is always a birthday card for me before my birthday, or cards for the girls, or Ben. She makes a big deal of these days & it means so much to me. Her attention to detail is truly phenomenal. When we go to a restaurant, she is sure to have Grandma toys in her purse & snacks. She’s a devoted wife (36 years). She works without complaining and is very insightful about life in general. She is completely smitten over her granddaughters & turns a $5 Goodwill find into a treasure. Happy Mother’s Day Cherie–we love you!

Me & my mom

And my mom. She has taught me how to be gracious and ask forgiveness when she’s wrong. I can recall many instances where she lost her temper, but came to me in tears admitting her wrong & asking for forgiveness. Her humility has imprinted itself upon the way I parent. She knows how to have fun & not take life so seriously. She has defended me & is probably my biggest advocate. She is quick to heap words of praise upon me, give me fresh perspective or wipe away doubt in my parenting troubles. She respects me as a person. I’ve seen our relationship blossom more & more over the years, as she takes heart to what I say & doesn’t undermine me. My mom has an approachability about her. She has a teachable spirit. She has had a tough life. And although she’s definitely not perfect–I think she’s done the best with what she’s been given. She adores her children & grandchildren. If you ever have a chance to meet her–I’m sure you’ll be at ease right away & be laughing. I love you mom!

Both my mom & Cherie have said, “I’m not a kid person,” or “I’m not very good with other people’s kids…but once I had my kids, well that’s different.” Thanks to my two moms who have sacrificed with sleepless nights, terrible twos (3, 4, 13-18), worried, prayed hard, cried & cried, released us out of your hands, taught us, encouraged us & never stopped loving us. We love you!

What if it’s not about you?

I wrote on my spiritual journey about the process of forgiveness, the road of grace & holiness. I was just reading this & this today about Isaiah 6 & the unforgiving servant, which I wrote about earlier in the month. The first post was talking about praying for our enemies, while the second one retold the story of Matthew 18:21-35. Both go hand in hand revolving around this word we call mercy.

In our world of seeking justice, righting wrong with a slap back, cheering the protagonist on toward triumph in their plot against the antagonist, it’s no wonder we truly have no idea what mercy is really about.

Most of us don’t live on the front lines of hell, where true dictators are oppressing us & taking away our human dignity & happiness. If you’re a church goer, you probably haven’t heard a congregational reading of Psalm 137 recently (or at all for that matter). The psalmist is speaking of the oppressors who have come in and dashed their babies against rocks, killing them and they want justice in return. It’s too easy to think that praying for our enemies only comes in these traumatic forms. Or that enemy is the vilified stepparent, corporate bureaucrat, or conniving thief. Yet, for the most part it’s not.

Jesus simply said this,

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Sometimes an enemy is someone we love, but don’t respect. Most times it’s someone who was put in a position to guard us, love us, and look after our well-being; but, they have scarred us, wounded us, and broken our trust. The very people who some find easy to love is the very person others deem as enemy. It could be a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a trusted adviser, teacher or friend. For me, my enemies come in the form of people I have esteemed and loved dearly at one point, which makes it that much harder to love & show mercy. Because they are the people who have turned on me in one form or another.

Yet today as I was thinking about one of my “enemies” and how much anger can rise up at them. Jesus’ words remind me to pray for them. Not because I pray words of justice to pour upon them like the unmerciful servant. No, that would be accepting grace & mercy from the judge for myself, while calling for the law to be thrown upon them. Instead, I pray that mercy & kindness would be poured out on them.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. –Matthew 5:7 & 8

I realized that in order to understand mercy, I have to give it. And in order to see God, my arteries can’t be clogged with revenge & self advancement. And maybe, just maybe, forgiveness really isn’t about me & my issues, but more about cutting the anchor of narcissism and showing God’s glory to advance his goodness, grace, mercy & love. How much more freeing would our relationships & world be if we were able to free others from their debt “owed us?”

This cutting of the anchor, praying for our enemy business isn’t easy, but so freeing. As I have chosen to “cut” (forgive) the anchor, I have seen how my heart for my enemy turns to genuine love & compassion. I want what’s truly best for them. I begin to see them as the person God does. However, there are those days or weeks where the past creeps in and I begin to feel anything but love towards them. It’s like exercising & good nutrition–it’s ongoing. You can’t expect to stay fit & healthy by only exercising & eating well for two months out of the year. So how do you exercise the health of your soul? How do these words of Jesus in the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ pertain to your current situation of blessing those who curse you & forgiving your enemies? What is your story of cutting the anchor to further God’s glory?

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…Do to others as you would have them do to you…If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. ³³And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that…But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”–Luke 6:27-37