Father Wounds Lay Deep (Part Three)

Posted bykamillecscellickPosted inMy Journey & Story

You can find Father Wounds Lay Deep Part One Here & Part Two Here

In the following days my heart was burning with the sting of rejection.  No one could give me enough love & attention to ease the pain.  I sat bitter listening to others speak of their “hard” life…insert ‘tough classes, roommate problems, or simply having a bad day.’  I was angry.  Not just angry, but seething with anger at almost everyone.

When your soul has gone through pain or rejection by a trusted friend or loved one, you begin to take on the flesh of an abused animal by biting at anyone trying to extend a hand.  Even the loving ones. 

 

That’s how bad I hurt.  I wanted everyone in my pathway to know exactly what pain felt like.  I wanted to communicate the deep loss going on inside, which was rooted from a father who broke promise after promise.

Yet, a war was waging inside. 

Part of me wanted to truly let it all out.  The sloppy nose, dripping tears, and guttural moans of a broken heart.  And I honestly thought I was communicating that to my friends. 

But, when I look back now with my mended heart, I can see a girl offering up only a glimpse of the shattered mess.  I can see a girl who thought she was being “open,” “honest,” “vulnerable,” & “real.”  Except, in reality, she was telling the story, while backing out the door with a knife waving for her defense…in case they got too close. 

How could I allow people in when the liability of being rejected & hurt was far too great?                            

A heart guarded & padded continued to receive “we regretfully declines, but here’s a check” in the mail & wished they sent nothing at all.

 

Continue Reading on Father Wounds Lay Deep: Part Four

 

One Year Ago: One Year, A Give Away & Discovering My Daughter

Two Years Ago: Shalom for Supermom

 

 

2 thoughts on “Father Wounds Lay Deep (Part Three)”

  1. Kamille, I know that it was rough for you and your brothers in the family setting that we had. It was horrible to be honest. It was nothing like I imagined when I was young. I didn't have Christ sitting on the throne of my life. I believe in and loved the Lord but I just didn't let Him lead me in the way He wanted me to be. I can only thank the Lord that He is such a loving Father that He surrounded all you kids with His arms. I have seen you go through so much but still have a faith that just keeps growing bigger and bigger each and every day. From a cute little girl into a beautiful young woman, filled with God's love and giving spirit. Through all the things that you have endured, God has continued to draw you closer to Him to see Him as a Father. He has been fixing all the hurts that you have suffered and making you a stronger person, woman, wife, mother, daughter, and friend. I love you very much and if there was anything that I could do to fix all the past hurts, to fix me so that I would have been a better person so that you would have had a mother that didn't help cause all the things in the family. I wish that none of my children would have gone through such sufferings and hurts, but reality is that God can make something good out of bad things.

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  2. Mom–you said it right here, "I wish that none of my children would have gone through such sufferings and hurts, but reality is that God can make something good out of bad things." Yes–when we work out our stuff & allow Jesus to come in & clean up the mess, it's there that we find redemption & heaven on Earth.

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